


Arthur Pendragon is not pining.

by samgreenstorm



Series: Who ever loved that loved not at first sight? [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Elena is awesome and I love her, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Oblivious Merlin (Merlin), Pining Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2020-03-09 13:38:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18918121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samgreenstorm/pseuds/samgreenstorm
Summary: Ever since Arthur met Merlin, he is been having weird reactions to his presence , what would it take for Arthur to realise that what he is doing is pining for Merlin but Pendragons don't pine. What is he supposed to do now? Meanwhile Merlin is oblivious to Arthur's pining he just thinks they are becoming good friends. Or is he ?





	1. Not a morning person.

**Author's Note:**

> For a long while I though about not posting this but then I though screw it.  
> Apparently writing pining characters is my thing. I have pined a lot so I guess it makes sense.

Arthur Pendragon is not a morning person, he has been taught however to always be in time and to seize the day so no matter how much he wants to throw away his mobile and stay forever in bed because it’s Saturday, he knows he can't.

After a shower and some food, he is ready to face the day awaiting for him at the office, sometimes being the boss 's son has no advantages.

Thankfully he has a Costa between his house and the tube station so one of their sweetest coffees is in order.

The barista gives him a grin.He pretends to be looking at some messages. 

He knows he is being rude but he is in no mood to flirt with the cute barista. 

A reminder pops up:

Movie night with Lance and Gwen. 

Just then he gets a text from Merlin.

It has become a habit of sorts, in the weeks since the home warming party, where they exchanged numbers and followed each other on social media as good millennials do.

He is really glad they made up, Merlin is funny, interesting and they do have a lot of things in common.

Arthur thinks that is why Lance and Gwen thought about pairing them up.

And the fact that he is unbelievably handsome, very blue eyes, high cheekbones, strong jaw and those almost sinful full lips, also he had seen the man on a sleeveless shirt, he is fit, according to Gwaine they do boxing together.

He wonders on his way to the office if Merlin would remember that they have seen each other before, on a crossing.

Arthur shakes his head most probably not.

If all the mess with Vivian wouldn't have hadn’t happened, he wouldn't have acted like a prat as Merlin very rightfully called him and maybe something would have happened.

Before entering the building he reads Merlin's text 

Merlin:

Please, tell me you aren't bailing tonight. Lance and Gwen are too couply for me, they are disgustingly in love. My poor single heart can't have them on such big doses. Doctor's orders.

That gets him to laugh in front of his PA , George, who frowns at him.

Arthur, decides to answer later and schools his face to his normal serious one.

"Good Morning,Mr Pendragon" his assistant, says a folder of reports on his arms.

Arthur sighs internally.

"Good Morning" he answers politely.

As soon as he opens the door, George starts to list the calls and meetings of the day.

"Ask Mister Goodwyn if we can postpone it to Thursday since I'll have more options to offer him, also tell my father that the deal with Mercia was closed yesterday, and that the lawyers should have the contract ready by this afternoon" he orders and takes the last sip of his coffee.

When George leaves, he pinches the bridge of his nose and finally sits.

The day passes quicker than expected. He had lunch with his sister which helped. He appreciates it when it happens not that he would actually tell her, his sister is in the other part of the building in Public relations which has better food than finances where he is.

Even if she spent a part of the time talking about Leon, her boyfriend and one of Arthur's best friends, their relationship did not surprise him in the slightest, they spent much of their teenage years bickering and then at uni , they were together most of the time and well there's no one who gets his sister to smile more than Leon. They have been together five years already, they live together, honestly he is waiting for their engagement. Besides Leon, her sister talked about Merlin, she has been quite vocal about how she thinks he should ask Merlin out. He prefers not to get into it. The moment Morgana thinks she has something on him, she uses it against him besides she has seen Merlin twice, why does she believe that when the one and only time she has seen them together they were mad at each other? and he is certain Morgana doesn't know that they've been speaking almost everyday, well everyday.

He will never understand his sister.

Thankfully the conversation reminds him about replying to Merlin when he is going back home.

-Welcome to my world, they have been like that from the beginning, now you have to bear with them. Sorry not sorry.-

Arthur gets a response almost immediately.

-You, sir, are a prat.-

He chuckles and rings him.

"Well, before you decided to insult me, I was going to add that because of my good character and general niceness ,I am accompanying you and your very single heart tonight. " Arthur says as Merlin picks up.

"Arthur? " Merlin asks very unsure.

"It says that on the caller id ,doesn't it?" He says sarcastically, wondering why he called him in the first place.

"Sorry, it only says the Prat." Arthur can actually hear the capital in the name and snorts.

"Well, I have you as Idiot so this must be you, Merlin."

" Hilarious. Anyway, you know nobody calls anymore? You could have texted me if you only wanted to call me names. It's cheaper too." Merlin adds drily.

"But not as fun." Arthur knows when he’s won so he grins, he can almost picture Merlin rolling his eyes.

"So are you coming or not?" Even if his tone was exasperated, he can notice a bit of fear of Arthur saying no.

Idiot.

"If you had listened to me earlier you'd know, my answers is yes, because I am a brilliant friend, you and your single heart would have company.”

"I don't think that sounded like you wanted to.” Merlin is giggling. Giggling like a child.

"Merlin!" He exclaims and an old lady tsks at him.

Arthur covers the phone and apologises. He should have answered at home.

"Sorry, sorry..." He says trying to contain his laugh. "Right, do you have any allergies?"

Arthur almost gets whiplash from the change of topic, if it were possible to get it from a phone conversation.

"No. Why?"

"Nothing, see you later, dollophead." Merlin says and hangs up.

What the fuck? Dollophead?

Arthur bites his bottom lip preventing a smile.

"He must be special" the old lady from earlier says smiling.

"He is" he answers even when he knows they are meaning very different things.

An hour later, Arthur finally decided what to wear.

He was taught that appearances are everything and that one should always look their best .

He can even hear it in his father's voice as he picks up a deep red Henley, dark jeans and some trainers.

He looks good, he messes with his hair, the cowlick is for work.

He is ready in less than fifteen minutes.

As soon as he arrives to Lance's flat, the first one he sees is Merlin, Arthur looks him up and down.

They're basically almost wearing the same thing but in different colours, he is almost sure that he had the Henley on that blue colour as well.

He also notices the light stubble, in his face, how broader his shoulders are, how strong his thighs look, he must have worked out before coming.

Merlin looks bloody gorgeous right now.

"Arthur!" He said excitedly with a grin and goes to hug him."Thank god you came, they are starting already." Merlin whispers in his ear, Arthur suppresses a shudder.

Merlin puts some distance, thankfully

"I am your knight in shining armor." he answers instead of what he wants to say .

He really wants Merlin to push him against the door and kiss him senseless.

Arthur shakes his head, hoping he doesn't notice and follows him.

Where did that come from?

He really needs to get laid, not with Merlin, that would mess up whatever friendship they are building and Arthur really doesn't want to ruin it.

Maybe he can call Elena later if she is not busy with Gwaine and go out.

Lance and Gwen are cuddling on the sofa a bowl of popcorn in between them, there is a large tray of what looks like mini biscuits in the coffee table next to some curry and chicken tikka masala.

They very obviously left the loveseat for him and Merlin, who has sat already.

Oh. They think they are so smart.

"Lance. Gwen."

"You came early." Adds Lance with a smile.

"A bit, not as early as Merlin." he retorts.

The aforementioned just shrugs.

"He is always early." says Gwen. Giving her friend a look, not very friendly.

"Gwen, you know I don't like being late to things." Merlin tone is teasing.

"Couldn't you call, though?" She asks, Arthur notices a subtle blush in Lance's cheeks.

Better not to ask although he can figure it out.

He sinks in the sofa next to Merlin, who wraps his arm around Arthur, his fingers lingering on his shoulder. He tries to ignore it to no avail.

"So, what are we watching?" Arthur asks trying to distract himself from the sensation.

"The last Marvel film. What was it? Infinity gauntlet." Answers Gwen dubious.

"Infinity war." Merlin and Arthur say simultaneously and look at each other.

"Marvel fan? How did I not know this?" Merlin asks getting even closer than before.

Does he not know of personal space?

"Yeah, It’s not usually the first thing I say.”

"Merlin is a bonafide superhero geek. So it totally is his first thing. It’s weird that you didn’t mention it.” answers Gwen instead of Merlin with a sweet smile on her face, she has apparently forgotten about the incident.

"Not always.” he adds and shrugs "Which superhero is your favourite ? Wait, let me guess Batman?" His tone teasing ,his eyes watching him.

Arthur couldn't help but meet them, proudly.

"Captain America, actually." he answers truthfully.

He remembers connecting so much with Steve, they both wanted to join the army, well Arthur prefers the RAF but they couldn't, although Steve finally got his wish, unlike Arthur.

"He is mine too, well and Bucky."Merlin says as softly as his smile.

"Arthur almost joined the RAF after Uni.” says Lance, who has been exceptionally quiet, out of the blue.

He turned to his friend, who is wearing a proud expression on his face that Arthur doesn't understand.

In the end, he obliged to his father wishes and didn't go. He trained for months to meet the requirements, after finishing university.

He thought that if he studied what his father wanted first, he could persuade him to join.

He was first of his promotion but in the end it didn't matter. He decided to tell him the same day he had the date to get tested.

Arthur explained him everything carefully with pamphlets and valid data. Uther Pendragon was a man of facts and Arthur as his son knew that, he was prepared for any argument, his father could think.

He wasn't prepared for a fit of rage where his father accused him of wanting to abandon him, of wanting to destroy the last piece of Ygraine that he had.  
A piece, as if he were an object.

"Arthur?" A voice called him with concern making him come back to the moment.

It was Lance, he plasters a smile on his face.

"Beg your pardon?"

"Mate, Merlin was talking to you."

His gaze goes back to those bright blue eyes who watch him with curiosity. Merlin did notice his trip to memory land.

"You're the first person I know who also likes Cap." Merlin adds ,distracting him.

That produces an actual smile,

"Lance here... is a Thor fan, so he has no taste." Arthur says with a tilt of his head to his mate.

"Oi! He is cool. And the last movie was pretty brilliant" Lance defends, a bit outraged.

Gwen and Merlin chuckle although from the corner of his eyes, he sees Merlin nodding too.

"They did have the first bisexual character" adds Merlin.

Lance points at him, throwing a look like saying, see.

"Are we gonna ignore, Steve?" He asks instead.

"Not you too, Arthur." says Gwen resigned.

"What? Come on, Guinevere, don't tell that you don't see the feelings he has for-"

"Bucky." Merlin finishes and Arthur nods with a little smile.

Lance and Gwen share a look that promises a few words with him later. He decides to ignore it.

"Exactly." Arthur looks to Merlin again who has a wide grin on his lips ."Can't blame him. Bucky is hot.”

"And Chris Evans is way too handsome ,so you know. It couldn't be helped." Merlin shrugs his shoulders.

"Peggy was hot too." adds Gwen.

Merlin and Arthur nodded to that.

"And the actress is very lovely."

"You met her?" Arthur asks with a raised eyebrow disbelievingly.

"Actually yes I did. So don’t give me that face." he takes his phone from his pocket and shows it to him.

His background was a photo with both of them together like a couple at prom. They are smiling at each other.

"How?" he asks frowning at the photo.

"I went to the New York comic-con a couple of times." Merlin says nonchalantly "Never got to meet Chris or Sebastian unfortunately."

"Who did you meet ?" Arthur is jealous and curious.

As a teenager he was a closeted kid, who watched Iron Man way too many times,RDJ's arms in that movie were very ... Distracting. As the movies came out, he became more interested in superheroes and started reading comics and fell in love with all that despite the objections of his father who thought they were a waste of time which helped to love them more.

And here is Merlin, so proud and outspoken about his love for superheroes.

Lance clears his throat.

"Shall we play the film?"

They look at each other, he can sense that they both wanted to keep talking.

Merlin and Arthur smile sadly at each other but promise with their eyes that they'll keep talking later.

Arthur nods at Lance, picks up one of the plates and fills it with food. He is starving.

He gets comfortable in the little space between Merlin and himself and if that means getting closer to him, so be it.

As the film develops, Arthur can’t help but watch Merlin, who is reacting to everything like it's the first time that he is watching it. The enthusiasm fixed on his face, he smiles, he yells at the screen, he comments tidbits of information of behind the scenes or the comics.

It's very endearing, when he finally finishes his chicken tikka masala, he pops one of the biscuits, he is sure Merlin has brought. Arthur has been dying to try them, but he likes to leave the best for last.

The moment he takes the first bite he can't help the moan that escapes his lips, the cranberry with the pecans, the oats, the chocolate chips. The flavour is exploding in his mouth.

He notices that Merlin has turned to look at him and he is pressing his lips in a thin line preventing him to smile. But the amusement is clear on his eyes.

"Would you marry me?” Arthur blurts out putting the rest of the cookie in his mouth.

Merlin laughs and he can hear the snorts and chuckles from Lance and Gwen, respectively.

"So soon? We are just getting to know each other Arthur?" Merlin teases him good-naturedly.

Arthur keeps chewing until he can talk without his mouth full.

"That cookie deserved a marriage proposal. It was so good." he explains getting another without shame.

Merlin just shakes his head and smiles softly looking down shyly.

"I'll give you the recipe, you can marry it instead, I am spoken for. " Merlin says catching his gaze again.

Arthur heart stops for a pulse and he knows his smile has faded.

When did he start seeing someone?

"Merlin, you wanting to marry Chris Evans is not being spoken for.” Gwen reminds him laughing.

Oh... Okay. He was taking the piss. His lips tilt up again.

"Arthur has money, I'll marry him" adds Lance throwing him a grin and a wink.

That cheeky bastard.

He fools everyone with his charm and good nature but Arthur knows better.,He has known him since they were six.He has a wicked sense of humour under that prince charming façade.

Sure he works for a non profit as a lawyer but Arthur knows him better than that.

"Lance, you're not my type. We've talked about this. Remember the bonfire of 2011? "

His friends laughs, probably remembering.

They both got incredibly drunk,They made out for approximately two minutes, decided it was like kissing a brother and never did it again.

"What?!" Asks Gwen looking at them surprised and her eyes wide open. "Lancelot!"

Lance just shrugs his shoulders.

"Five years later, you still surprise me." she tells him fondly, leaning into him.

"Who is your type then?" Merlin asks an eyebrows raised almost in a challenge.

Arthur bites his lip not wanting to say to Merlin, you. You are my type.

"Sebastian Stan" He replies nonchalantly or trying to.

"So.. Dark haired, blue eyes, broad shoulders.." Adds Lance.

And full pink kissable lips, a bit of stubble...

"Blonde, brown eyes, curvy in women like Lily James." he explains trying to distract them. "Now. Can we keep watching ?" His eyes locking on the screen hoping they'd listen after picking up some more biscuits.

Thankfully they do and he can finish the film in peace even if every once in a while he would catch a glimpse of Merlin's profile.

As the film ends. Merlin stands up and picks up the DVD.

Of course it is his.

"When did you say that the next film is coming out?" Asked Gwen.

"May next year" replies Merlin grinning at his friend.

Arthur checks his mobile, a couple messages from Morgana, asking about his date, one from Ellie asking if he wanted to go out, and a last one from his father reminding him about Sunday Brunch, as if he could actually forget.

First he texts his sister if he doesn't who knows what she'd do and he has no idea what she is talking about.

-What date Morgana? I'm just at Lance's watching a movie-  
Then his father.

-Of course, Father .See you tomorrow-

Lastly Elena.

Arthur searches for Merlin, before replying.He is talking animatedly to Gwen with a grin on his face, then he wets his bottom lip with his tongue and Arthur watches transfixed.

-You bet. Where and when?- it's what he texts her.

"Arthur?" Merlin asks fixing his gaze on him. "What do you say?"

"About what?" He replies confused and a little embarrassed. It's the second time he missed a conversation.

Merlin chuckles.

"Do you wanna go to the pub? It's still early and Gwen here is complaining about wanting to go for a pint."

Does he want alcohol, right now? Yes , definitely yes.

"Sure but I'm probably meeting Elena later."

"Did she asked you to go out ? Gwaine asked me earlier so I reckon we are possibly going out together." says Merlin grinning. As if that doesn't ruin Arthur's plans to get sloshed and hookup with a stranger so he can forget about his attraction to Merlin. Arthur really doesn't want to hookup with anyone in front of Merlin, nope, no sir.

"Brilliant!" He replies instead with a smile,

He does want to spend more time, with Merlin. Anyway.


	2. Debauchery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur's plan goes to hell but he is quite pleased it with it.

Maybe he'd leave the debauchery for another day.

Three pints and two shots later he wants the debauchery to be now, he has been watching Merlin flirting with a girl for about 20 minutes. The girl is twirling her hair, showing her tits which really isn't necessary her top is low cut enough, she has been feeling Merlin's arms up and acting amazed at how broad his shoulders are.

Arthur is not jealous, no sir. He is just interested in the well being of one of his friends, nothing more.

"Artie?" He stops Merlin's show and meets the green eyes of his cousin.

Elena is looking at him with concern and like she knows what he is feeling.

She probably does, Arthur knows she has suffered way too many heartbreaks and she has pined for more people that she ought to.

He is really glad that she found Gwaine, who according to her just makes her happy.

"Ellie, I think I like Merlin." he confesses as soon as he notices they are alone.

Because if he can't say it to his cousin ,who has been right beside him since they were born who knows him in and out. Better almost than Morgana or Lance. He can't confess to anyone else,

Lance would tell him that he should ask Merlin out and his sister would say the same thing but meaner and adding an idiot.

Ellie has never judged him. She supported him when he came out to his father, she was there when his mother died and he was there when hers did. She was there when he thought he was stupidly in love with Vivian and after she cheated on him and broke his heart.

"I know, I can tell. You haven’t taken your eyes off him all night. But you're not gonna do anything, are you?” Her gaze is full of understanding and her tone soft.

Arthur shakes his head and sighs.

He is not ready.

Elena pats his hand and gives him a little smile. It was all he needed, to get it out of his chest.

"Wanna dance?" She asks grinning, trying to uplift his humour.

"With you? Always.”

His cousin just grins wider and takes him to the dance floor.

Ellie moves without a care in the world, she smacks a couple people but she doesn’t notice.

His moves are the complete opposite. Strained and with precision.

Gwaine joins them and gives Elena a kiss.Arthur sees the besotted look they share and looks to his feet.

Suddenly he feels an arm on his shoulder and he is surrounded by warmth and another body.

An electrifying chill goes through him ,he knows right away who it is .

A hand goes down finding his back pocket.

Arthur doesn’t want to react but meets Merlin’s gaze, a pleading look on his face, not at all what he expected.

“Why is your hand on my arse, Merlin?”he asks with gritted teeth. He has a bit of trouble forming words.

Merlin’s lips pose on his ear.The touch and the feel of air making his heart beat faster.

“Pretend to be my boyfriend, the woman I was talking to couldn’t take no for an answer so I told her my boyfriend was waiting for me, and since Gwaine just kissed Elena, he is not a good cover, is he ?” Merlin explains completely ignoring the sensations that his mouth and his hand are provoking on Arthur.

A feeling of relief fills him and remembering his father’s motto of seizing opportunities , he leans on Merlin’s side, a hand going under the shirt and caressing his warm skin pretending to be casual.

Uther probably didn’t have this in mind when he said those words to Arthur.

“Should we kiss?” Merlin whispers closer than ever.He tries to figure out what the correct answer should be based on his tone but comes out empty.

He really wants to kiss Merlin, but not like this, not because of a game even though he can’t keep himself from staring at his lips so he nuzzles Merlin’s cheek and rests a kiss on his cheek.

Merlin turns and their gazes meet and their lips are less than an inch away from each other.

“No.” he replies without breath, his voice in his throat.

Merlin nods and stays on his place, fitting perfectly next to Arthur. Their arms around each other.

And Arthur can imagine for a few moments that this could someday be.

“Lads” Gwaine calls them and they break the eye contact. “Anything you want to tell us?” His head tilting to where their arms are. A rogue grin and a raised eyebrow on his face. Meanwhile Elena is looking at Arthur confused but pleased.

When he is about to answer, Merlin interrupts him.

“You see that woman?” Merlin says pointing discreetly or as discreetly as he can. It’s not much apparently. “She was about to grope me, she kept touching my arms and putting her cleavage on my face, don’t get me wrong it was a nice cleavage but she was too shrill and overdone for my taste. “ Merlin shrugs..

Their friend chuckles and Elena hides a smile on Gwaine’s shoulder, who just pulls her closer.

His cousin looks so comfortable ,she looks calm and seeing as she is usually an earthquake wherever she goes, the stillness and tranquility that he brings out of her is exactly what she needs.

“She is no longer watching, mate “ adds Gwaine nonchalantly.

Merlin checks his words and releases him.

A minute later ,Arthur feels cold and misses the warmth and the sense of comfort. They are separate again.

“I need another drink.” Arthur declares out loud.

When he is finally out of sight. He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly trying to get it together.

Merlin’s touch should not leave him so unhinged.

“A whiskey on the rocks, please.” he orders leaving his credit card out. The bartender takes it without question.

The next moment a glass is in front of him, he takes a sip, deciding that he would stay on the bar until he is finished with his drink.

Arthur needs space and time.

Maybe is time for him to go, he has a brunch tomorrow anyway, it wouldn’t be good if he meets with his father hungover or not as sharp as he should be.

He drinks the whiskey in one go. He is ready.

Arthur approaches the group with a plan in mind.

When Merlin sees him, he gives him a wide grin that completely shatters all the excuses he had for leaving.

“Hey, thanks for earlier.” Merlin says softly.

“No problem.” he replies even when there was a problem, Arthur’s crush on Merlin.

Again Merlin, wraps an arm around Arthur although no hand goes to his arse. Pity.

Looking around Arthur doesn’t see his cousin or Gwaine. He really needed a distraction.

“Do you wanna sit?” Merlin asks going in the direction of the booth. Arthur follows him.

When they are finally seated, Merlin turns to him.

“So, the RAF?” The question is such a non sequitur that baffles him for a moment.

But apparently he is starting to know how Merlin’s mind works because he replies “Why I didn’t join?”

Merlin nods. Arthur was right.

He pinches the bridge of his nose and tries to calm himself, it’s not Merlin’s fault that talking about it just brings him bad memories.

“My father… “he starts but changes his mind “ I trained for months for the physical tests, I was ready, I had the appointment to do the tests, My life was in order, I was good to go, it has always been my dream to fly a Bae Hawk. Ever since I was a boy I wanted to be in the sky, to be amongst the clouds. You know that moment when the plane is starting to take off and there is a knot in your stomach and then you feel the plane rising? I love it, just being in the air.” Just thinking about it makes him smile.

“Why the RAF and not just a pilot?” Merlin asks softly his bright blue eyes meeting his with a look of understanding.

Arthur has never been so comfortable. Maybe the whiskey was making effect.

“Because I wanted to defend people, there are so many wars going on, Afghanistan, Irak , there is so many innocent people being targeted. They don’t deserve it ,the worst is that the people that start the wars are a bunch of cowards that hide behind them, they used them as a bargain chip to negotiate so they implement their own beliefs, they terrorise us into doing their bidding. All those innocent people, I’m not naïve enough to not realise that not everyone is but what about the children that only want to go to school, to play on the street without having to worry if a bomb is going to blew them apart .They don’t deserve having to wonder if their families would survive another day.”

His mouth is dry and he has moon shaped marks on the inside of his palm.

He clears his throat.

“Sorry, I went on a rampage there.” Arthur apologises, Merlin’s pushes his drink to him.

“What happened? “ The question hangs in the air.

Arthur exhales. He never imagined the evening would end up like this.

He chuckles despite of the seriousness of the situation.

“The day of the test I went to my father’s house, I was already living at my mom’s flat, she lived there when she was single and when I was 18 I inherited it. I know, I know, I’m a rich spoilt prat.” he adds

“Wasn’t going to say it. “ Merlin interrupts with his hands up .Arthur looks at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Anyway, I actually thought he’d feel proud of me ,I already graduated with honours on Economics and Law, I did what he wanted, so I felt I was due in some way, it was my time.

When I told him that I was joining in, he went nutters. He started to throw things at me, he kept yelling and yelling ,he said that he would disinherit me, he shouted that I was killing a... part of my mother, the last part he had of her ,my father ended up crying. I’ve never seen him cry until that moment. My father took my mother’s death hard but I had no idea it was that bad. “ Arthur stops telling the story to drink some more and to get his feelings in order. “I never showed up to the test.”

Arthur has never told the whole story to someone, not even Morgana knows ,she guessed most of it. It was the first time he said it out loud.

“And you regret it everyday.” Merlin’s voice was almost a whisper but it was clear and the tone had none of the reproach he was expecting.

Arthur could only nod, he was feeling exhausted however he was feeling comfortable and secure as well.

“I kinda get it “ Merlin adds.

Their eyes meet, Merlin has a pained expression even if he is smiling.

“It isn’t to your level but I felt something similar. My first year of uni, I was lost, so fucking lost, I went to class and I hung out with my friends. I had the feeling that I was supposed to be excited, that this was the best time of my life but I was just going with the flow.

My mom was happy, my uncle was happy, I was following his footsteps. I was going to become a veterinarian. I was watching my friends enjoying, learning, doing what I was meant to do too. Instead I’d spend my classes looking recipes online and thinking about new desserts. Even though I still got good grades, I was on a scholarship, I was at Cambridge. It was a dream come true for some and I didn’t want to disappoint my mom. She has worked all her life raising me, giving me all she could. One day I was meeting Gwen and Will, he is my oldest friend, he is at Cardiff now, anyway he was visiting me and the moment he saw me he said : Mate! What happened?. I told him university. He could tell what I wasn’t accepting yet that I was unhappy. That university was killing me, it wasn’t all the exams, the assignments or the surroundings.

It was just being there. Then I sat with my two oldest friends and I listened to all their options of things I could do, a change in career, maybe I wanted Med school instead or biology. I felt like they were lecturing me about what I was doing wrong with my life, I was feeling defensive even when I knew they were helping me. Before I went back to campus I went to Laduree, going to patisseries always calms me down and brings me good memories, also I needed some sugar. It was empty. I could look to my heart’s content. The horrible mood I was having evaporated.  
I only bought one thing ,a salted caramel macaroon.I ate half right away , I keep the other part. After that I bought the ingredients necessary to bake them. I spent all night trying to recreate them.

When I did I went home, I gave my mom the macaroons on the Laduree bag, the moment she tried one, her eyes went wide open and she moaned and asked me if I knew if they changed the recipe that they were better than usual. I laughed out loud. I told her right then and there that I was moving to Paris to study pastry and that the macaroons she just tried were mine.

Her expression was something I would never forget . I explained all that I felt on Cambridge, how it wasn’t fulfilling but that seeing her eating a macaroon was. She wasn’t happy, she understood but didn’t completely agree. I completed all my work and exams that semester and quit.

Everyone was surprised by my decision, they all thought I was insane, moving away to a different country, different language. I know some doubted me, some thought that I was being reckless. But I knew I had to try because I was happy. That it was what I was meant to do.” Arthur couldn’t helped but listen to the whole story , Merlin never stopping, there were some inflections in his tone, when something made him sad or when he was happy.

Arthur was hooked with the similar feelings they’ve experienced, the similar experiences but it was the different outcome that compel him.

Merlin was brave, braver than him, fighting for his dream. Never mind anything else.

And he also saw what it was that Merlin was trying to do.

“Thanks for telling me. “ Arthur says covering Merlin’s hand with his.

Merlin just shrugs his shoulders and finishes what Arthur guesses is Gwaine’s drink.

“Are you happy now?” Arthur asks.

The wide grin it’s answer enough.

“Even when you had to leave your friends and family behind?” He adds.

Arthur sees Merlin opening his mouth to then close it and then he tilts his head.

“You are making hard questions today.” Merlin says in a teasing tone.”I don’t think we are drunk enough for this.”

Arthur has never been more sober. Being with Merlin makes him being self aware of what he says and does but in a good way.

He knows that Merlin is right but there is something today that makes him feel a sense of urgency, that something is happening and he is pretty sure what it is even if he can’t admit it just yet.

“Hard to believe, we are sharing our life’s story when a month ago we hated each other’s guts.” Merlin keeps saying.

And those words hurt a little, Arthur wants to say that no, he didn’t hate him, that Arthur was half infatuated when he met him for the second time, that he was an arsehole because he doesn’t like feeling off-kilter and not understanding why.

That Merlin didn’t notice how Arthur would observe his every move.

That when he saw him that same night at the club, all his fury took his breath away.

That he misunderstood Mithian, that Merlin wasn’t the one who was a horrible date, it was him and his feeling of incompetence. Because there it was Merlin, with his easy smiles and soft words and he could only be harsh out of conditioning, that his father has taught him to fight what makes him feel like that.

“I was an arsehole.” He admits instead.

“I was an arsehole too but we both have apologised. And now here we are sharing life experience. I think all worked out in the end. We are friends.” says Merlin getting closer until they are touching arm to arm and thigh to thigh.

Friends, they are friends. That is all Merlin wants and Arthur should stick to it, he should stop whatever he is feeling and start thinking about Merlin as mates.

“Hey…” he feels a hand on his head, combing his hair. Arthur turns to find his cousin looking at him with soft eyes and a softer smile.

She looks debauched, so at least one of the two got to do it.

Elena sits on his lap, making Merlin back away and paying attention to Gwaine ,who is next to him looking as rumpled as Elena.  
His cousin wraps her arms around him

“I’m sorry, I heard what he said” she whispers.

Arthur chuckles.

It’s just his luck .

“I should go.” he says, this time as convinced as ever that he needs to leave, it’s more late than he previously realised.

“So soon, princess?” Asks Gwaine who stopped talking to Merlin.

Arthur rolls his eyes at the nickname.

“Don’t call me that. And yes I have a brunch with Uther tomorrow, better not to be late because I overslept.” he explains as his cousin stands up and lets him stand. He throws Gwaine a look just in case.

“I’m going too.” adds Merlin also getting on his feet.

Elena raises an eyebrow at Arthur who just shakes his head. She is a romantic she sees signs in everything, when she just heard that they are just friends.

He says goodbye to Gwaine and gives a hug to his cousin.

“Are you going to the tube station?” Arthur asks Merlin as soon as they are out of the club.

“Yeah.”

They’ve been walking a minute in a comfortable silence when Merlin speaks.

“I think they are good to each other. Gwaine looks happier.”

“Elena does too. I’m happy for them.” Arthur adds.

“It seems like all our friends are pairing up.”

“It appears we are living in a bloody rom-com.” He chuckles, he is very obviously the main protagonist pining for the one who they’ll never get.

Merlin laughs with his whole body.

“Watch many of those?” Merlin asks after he has regained his composure.

“I have an older sister and a cousin whom I love, you bet your arse I did. I’ve been roped in watching them since I was little.” He confesses.

“I love them.” Arthur looks at him, there is something vulnerable about Merlin as if the wrong thing would break him.

“Big believer in happy endings. Are you?” He hopes that is the right thing.

“I am but I don’t think many of those happen in real life.” Merlin sounds sad.

“I think they do. Just look around us. All of our friends seem happy.” Arthur explains wrapping an arm around Merlin.

Merlin looks at him from under his eyelashes and Arthur melts right there, he is not strong enough.

“Are you?” And the question is an echo from the one Arthur asked him before.

“I’m happy right now.” Arthur blurts because it’s the truth and Merlin deserves to hear it.

“Me too.”

Arthur feels this is a precious moment as fragile as the most exquisite crystal so he lets himself be, for a minute, nothing else just them.

The bright light of the underground sign, illuminates them. He hasn’t even realized that they have arrived.

“Merlin.” he says and he really doesn’t know what to say next, he just wanted to say his name as if belonged on his mouth.

“Arthur.”

Those sinful lips tilt up.

“I think we have arrived .” It’s a stupid thing to say. He grimaces internally as soon as the words are out of his mouth.

“Which line are you?” Merlin asks in front of the two arrows one for the green line the other for the yellow line.

“Green.” he replies

“I’m yellow.” His voice gloomy pointing the other side.

In an unexpected gesture Merlin crushes against Arthur and wraps his arms around him.

Arthur imitates him, he can smell a mix of cologne, club and something only Merlin. He can feel all the hard lines, the strength on his shoulders , the softness of his hair and the warmth of his embrace.

Merlin whispers something that he doesn’t catch and then he draws apart slowly.

“See you Arthur.”

And then Arthur is alone and cold in the train station.

He stays there another minute.

He is so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ^^


	3. Paris Part 1

Arthur keeps thinking that the next morning as he enters the restaurant Uther always chooses for their brunches.

He was awake most of the night turning on his bed, sighing and thinking about Merlin.

Not even the strongest coffee would wake him up, besides he really hates the taste.

But one should always stay sharp in the presence of Uther Pendragon.

He has been reviewing all the contracts and the numbers of the last trimester in case he asks.

Arthur is greeted by his father who of course came fifteen minutes early, Uther Pendragon is the image of proficiency and elegance in his dark blue suit with his light blue shirt and stripped tie, the golden cuff links shinning from the door, his grey hair parted on one side, blue eyes fixed on the door and a expression of contempt on his face.

“Father.” Arthur says as he sits, unbuttoning his own jacket, his favorite grey suit, he needed some comfort today.

“Arthur.”The tone not as Siberian cold as always.

Suspicious.

“How was golf with my uncle yesterday ?” Arthur asks out of habit it. It’s usually a topic that distracts his father for a while or until Morgana arrives five minutes early.

It’s a routine of sorts ,Uther comes fifteen minutes early, Arthur comes ten and Morgana five and she would also be the first to leave.

“It was good, good weather and your uncle lost as always.”

“As always.”

So maybe not so distracting a topic now.

Arthur uses the menu as an excuse for the momentary silence even though he knows what he wants already.

Maybe he should change it a little, he usually goes for the eggs Benedict and and orange juice but maybe French toast would be good, no matter the reprimand from his father about the sugar even if he doesn’t actually knows how many visits to Crumbs & Doilies he makes on a week.

He burns most of it with jogging and fencing with Leon anyway.

The arrival of his sister is an event as Morgana would only have it.

In a dark green pantsuit with silver stilettos ,her black hair down and perfect make up. Her green eyes surrounded by silver and her lips red as blood.

When she sees him, she smiles. Arthur smiles back.

“Father” says Morgana, in the same cold tone as their father.

“Morgana.” His father replies warmer than before.

He definitively wants something, better to order the French toast quickly ,before the good humour goes away.

“Morgs.” Greets Arthur.

“Artie.”

The only two people in world allowed to called him that are Morgana and Elena and mostly because they have seen him in nappies.

And if someone else other than them tries, they’d have their figurative and literal balls.

He really loves them to pieces even when his sister is giving him a weird look.

Arthur narrows his eyes .

Morgana signs later and Arthur nods.

A waiter finally arrives , exactly as the three of them are on the table, Uther really has them trained.

“French toast and an orange juice, please.” Arthur orders.

“Eggs Benedict and coffee.”

“Omelette with toast and a mimosa ,please.” If Morgana is already ordering alcohol something is happening.

As the usual routine, Morgana mostly ignores their father and focus on pulling Arthur in conversation.

The feud between the two, well more Morgana than Uther, started in when she was a teenager and his sister started to date the worst of the worst, to rebel and wear all black and answer back, and just never listen to him.

Arthur believes it was all the influence of her friend Morgause and their mother’s death.

Because even if Ygraine wasn’t her mother, Morgana loved her as such. His mother raised her since she was two and she was the only mother figure Morgana knew, her own mother leaving her to Uther since she didn’t want her.

Things warmed a little when Morgana went to uni and started to date Leon.

While Arthur would always be on her sister’s side, he did understood some of Uther’s concern ,that Cenred bloke was a piece of shite.

“So Artie, how was yesterday?” Morgana asks with a smile.

“You went out, son?”

She apparently is not on his side.

“Yes, I went to Lance’s and watched a film.” He answers simply better not to give out many details.

Besides Arthur knows his father can’t find any fault in that, Uther likes Lance, obviously there is the fact that Lance is the son of the former French ambassador and not even the middle class background of Lance’s Chilean mother can erase that.

“Is he still dating that girl?” And there’s the tone again.The disdain.

Morgana rolls her eyes.

“Yes, Gwen was promoted on his job recently and they moved in together. “ explains Arthur brightly to annoy his father. One of his little pleasures in life.

“ She is doing quite well on the fashion business.” Adds Morgana who also gets along with Gwen. They are good friends, weirdly.

Their father only nods.

“And How was Merlin ,brother?”

Oh, he hates her.

Uther narrows his eyes and adopts the typical face of who-is-this-Why-haven’t- you-talked-to-me-about-it. It’s a very expressive face.

“Merlin is Gwen’s best friend and we have recently made an acquaintance, he had been studying and working abroad, father. And he is well, Morgana.”

Her sister makes her I-don’t-believe-that-is -all-you-have-to-say face. He really sees the resemblance with their father.

“So, Arthur. How is the finance’s department?.” Uther asks as they have the dishes on their table.

And because the question is not as innocent as it seems, Arthur doesn’t start eating, first he must answer.

So he does as if it is a PowerPoint presentation, he might have reviewed some flash cards on the way over.

“Excellent work. Morgana, how is HR?."

Morgana answers in the same rehearsed way as he did . It is after all the brunch’s tradition.

It starts when they are finishing up.

“Son, it appears there is a problem with one of the accountst on the Paris branch and they don’t seem to be able to see what the mistake is, of course only you would be able to.”

Oh… that was what all the “warmth” was about.

He knows his father is buttering him up because he thinks Arthur doesn’t like to go to their other European branches, it’s on Arthur’s best interests that his father remains to believe so, since Uther grovels a little when he has to ask that of Arthur and that is always fun to watch.

“ Right, and Marcel can’t do it ?” He asks. Marcel is his French counterpart.

“I’m afraid not. You’d obviously have some free days after your return.” His father says nonchalantly even when Arthur knows it hurts him a little to say it.

Yes! Holidays. He hasn’t had some in quite a while.

“I see, and when should I go?” He looks at his father with a raised eyebrow.

“As soon as possible, if you could leave all your matters handled tomorrow, Tuesday would be best.” Uther adds.

“Of course, I assume that your assistant would send me all the data?” Arthur asks taking the final bite of his French toast. He is lucky his father didn't mention anything about it, better finish it before he does.

His father nods and there is that.

Paris! Arthur is trying not to smile thinking about all the patisseries and French food.

He risks a look at his sister and sees her trying to contain a grin.

She likes to see their father behaving so out of the ordinary.

As soon as he is finished with his orange juice he takes his jacket and stands up.

“Well, I better be going, There are many things to prepare for tomorrow.” He lies.

“Of course, son.”

“I’ll go with you.” Adds Morgana taking her bag.”Father, see you on Wednesday.”

After leaving the restaurant ,with Morgana next to him arms linked. They laugh.

“I still don’t understand how Uther hasn’t realise it?” Says Morgana grinning.

“It’s fun to watch him grovel.” Arthur is smiling as well.

“So Paris, huh? You must bring me something, how about that new Celine, bag? I’ll send you a picture.”

“Of course, Morgs.” He says, knowing he’d have the picture as soon as he is home. Sometimes he can’t say no to his sister.

“And remember to go to the Eiffel Tower for mom.” Morgana ‘s voice is quiet and fond as always is when talking about their mom.

Arthur covers her hand with his and she leans on him.

“I won’t forget.”He promises.

“Don’t think I won’t ask about Merlin now that we are alone.” She warns him and he sighs.

“There is nothing to tell.” Arthur says lightly.

Maybe the tone would fool his sister.

Morgana looks at him with narrowed eyes.

Maybe not.

“I talked to Gwen this morning ,you know?”

“Okay…” He is not following.

“She told me how chummy you and Merlin were yesterday at her house and at the pub.” She sing songs.

Arthur sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

He really doesn’t want to say it, least of all to his sister who would tease him without mercy.

“ Come on Artie, what’s going on? I’m your sister, you know I can just get it out of you.” Morgana says more serious.

He knows that to be true.

“Nothing is going on. Didn’t your network of spies tell you?” Arthur says with sarcasm.

“Har har, you know you can tell me.” There is none of the bite from earlier, this is how she tricks you and he should know better by now but despite everything including the fact he will be most probably be called an idiot.

He knows he is gonna tell her because in the end, she is his sister and she loves him.

But that doesn’t mean he is going to make it easy.

“We are friends, we’ve been talking since Lance and Gwen’s party.” Arthur says ,making her believe this is the secret.

Morgana tilts her head and looks at him with narrowed eyes.

“How often have you been talking to each other?” She asks still suspicious.

“I don’t know… almost every day?”

Now she looks surprised.

“But you never reply in time, people write you and you answer a day later.” Morgana tells.

Arthur shrugs because he knows that bothers her.

“Apparently your network of spies doesn’t reach that far or you’d know that Merlin said yesterday that we are just friends so that’s what we are, mates. “ Arthur explains smiling because between last night and this morning he has reached the conclusion that if Merlin wants just that it’s better than okay from him.

“Oh, dear…” his sister says.

Arthur frowns.

“You really like him.” She adds looking sadly at him.

And she has finally got it ,she would obviously think that she guessed it instead of Arthur feeding her crumbs so she would figure it out.

“Maybe he likes you too…” her tone hopeful.

Arthur chuckles, if only that were true he would have slept better last night, he knows they shared some moments but they didn’t mean the same for Merlin as they did for him. He is coming to terms with it.

“Just mates.” Arthur says pulling his sister closer. She hasn’t call him an idiot.

He might be more pitiful that he thought.

“This trip to Paris would be good for you, maybe you’ll meet a mysterious French person that’d feed you all the macaroons and eclairs that you want and obviously shag you senseless.” Morgana is trying to sound upbeat.

“Obviously, Yeah I think it would be good for me.”  
\------------------------------------------------------------  
One of the first things he does after landing, is going to the office and leaving his things at the flat they have in Avenue de l’Opera, is going to Galerie Lafayette’s food court.

First they have Pierre Hermè but he tries those in London ,he is here for Sadaharu Aoki and those yuzu macaroons and then a lemon meringue éclair from L’éclair de genie.

He should go out running tomorrow.

Then an obligatory stop on Shakespeare and company if only because he always remembers going to the store with his mom when he was little, his mom loved Paris, her parents were French but they moved to England before she was born so she would always say that she was French even if her passport didn’t say so.

Arthur has an ache on his heart as soon as he sees the green front with the yellow sign and the carts full of books outside .

The inside is as small as always, he is surrounded by people and books on wooden bookshelves , he knows he can get any of these books in Waterstones back at home but there is something special about getting it from this bookstore for him.

His mom would always get excited when they would stamp their books, she said they were taking a part of Paris with them, even in the books were in english.

He smiles at the memory.

Arthur looks for a book by Jane Austen, his mom’s favourite and Morgana’s as well.

Honestly, he much prefers Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

That’s a fun read.

He takes Emma, maybe it would give his sister a clue about stopping with the matchmaking.

Arthur thinks he sees a man with a familiar mop of black hair leaving the bookstore as he goes to the cash deck to pay.

He must be having mirages now. Arthur shakes his head.

The next stop is Album Comics, he loves Forbidden Planet and all those comic shops in London but there is something about this store that the other don’t have.

When he enters he gets some odd looks, maybe he should have changed out of the suit.

Nothing he can do now. He goes directly to the room on the left where he knows they stash the older comics, he always finds one that he likes or that he is looking for.

Getting lost in the old comics is one of his favourite things in the world.

He treats them carefully and browses for a while until he finds one he wants and is cheaper than he thought.

Maybe he should bring one about Bucky to Merlin…

No, no. That’s too much.

It could be a Christmas present!

Yeah, he convinces himself, that would be a good excuse.

Merlin would appreciate it, that is something mates do.

Arthur would do it for Lance or Leon.

Back in the street, Arthur takes a deep breath. There is something about Paris , that calms him, there’s no rush, no people running, they have a more sedated rhythm that is infectious.

He loves walking around and feeling like another parisian going home after work.

“Arthur!” Someone yells . Arthur turns to both sides looking for the source of the voice, maybe it’s not him and it’s another Arthur.

Finding nobody he keeps on his way.

“Arthur!” The person says again closer.

He stops abruptly when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

His eyes are on the hand. The hand is masculine and pale with short clipped nails. The wrist is thin and looks fragile.

He knows that hand.

Arthur finally faces the owner of the limb and takes a step back when he recognises him.

“Merlin?” He asks his voice unsure almost a whisper.

“Yeah!” Merlin wraps him in a hug.

He is pretty sure he is imagining this, this is not happening, just like that mirage back at the bookstore.

The arms around him feel real, the stubble scratches his face, and his smell is flooding his nostrils, but is the warmth that reassures Arthur, that this is real.

Merlin is hugging him and he is in Paris.

“What are you doing here?” Merlin’s question clearing his mind. He pulls apart.

“Me? I should be asking you that!” Says Arthur looking at Merlin up and down. It has become something instinctive.

Merlin grins and then hides his hands on the pockets of his jacket.

“I came for a wedding. You?”

“Work, there was a situation with the branch here. How long are you staying? Are you on holiday?”

He is asking way too many questions but what are the freaking chances?

Merlin chuckles.

“I’m staying for the week and yes I’m on holiday they owed me some days at work.”

“Wait , were you on Shakespeare & Company like an hour ago?” It’s the last question but the most important.

Merlin looks at him suspiciously.

“How did you know?”

Arthur wants to sigh in relief because he is not going mad.

He shows Merlin the bag from the bookstore.

“I recognised a wild mop of black hair, thought I was going crazy.”He explains.

Merlin takes a hand to his hair subconsciously.

“Hey!” Merlin says a bit hurt.

Now is Arthur who chuckles.

“Are you doing anything now?” Merlin asks looking at him shyly.

“Not really.” The plate of meat and steamed vegetables that he was thinking about having for dinner could wait.

“Wanna meet some friends of mine?” Merlin looks so excited at the prospect that how can Arthur say no. 

“Sure.” Arthur replies totally unsure. 

They ended up at a brasserie called Le prè near Boulevard Saint Germain it was very typically French with the tables and chairs outside, the inside had a rustic and country feeling about it with all the fairy lights and the wood creating a really nice atmosphere.

In the back there are two tables put together. A blonde couple leading the table closer to the window.

Merlin goes before him and starts greeting people with three kisses.

Then he grabs his wrist and brings him to his side.

Seeing all these people , he is still not so sure this was such a great idea.

“Les gars, C'est Arthur, an ami du London alors peut-être que nous pouvons parler en anglais. Sans excuses.” Merlin warns them. (Guys, this is Arthur, a friend from London so maybe we can speak on english. No excuses.)

He notices seven people around the table, four women and three men including the couple at the top of the table.

“Ne t'inquiète pas, Merlin, je peux parler en français, mon accent c’est un peu horrible, mais je vous comprendera bien.” His French is not as good as it used to be when he spoke it with his mom and Morgana but better than most. ( Don't worry, Merlin. I can speak french, my accent is bit horrible but I will understand you fine.)

Merlin turns to him pleasantly surprised. Arthur is delighted to have put that expression there.

“Since when do you speak French?” 

“Since always, my maternal family is French.” Arthur explains shrugging his shoulders. 

“Of course it is…” Merlin rolls his eyes, the words said in jest. The tone made Arthur pressed his lips together to avoid a full on laugh. He better not mention how his grandparents are the owners of one the largest media corporations in France and that he actually has actions on the company. He will tell him eventually, just to see that face again, 

Merlin stands next to him and stars to make the introductions.

“Ce sont Tristán et Isolde, le couple qui m'a fait venir a Paris.” (These are Tristan and Isolde, the couple who made me come to Paris.) 

“Tu nos aimes!” Says Isolde, a pretty blonde with blue eyes. Her hair is in a complicated braid. She is pointing at Merlin, while holding the hand of her fiance, who looks at her adoringly. ( You love us.)

“Ils étaient mes camarades de classe oú ils sont tombès amoreux. Et maintenant ils voulent moi pour les faire leur gateau. ” Arthur can notice the fondness and love on Merlin's words. These are people he really cares for. ( They were my classmates that is where they fell in love and now they want me to bake their cake.” 

“Je l’ai toujours aimé.” Adds Tristan, also a blond with blue eyes, who is getting a kiss on the cheek for his statement. ( I always loved her.)

“They are worst than Gwen and Lance.” comments Merlin on his ear. 

“I heard that!” Yells Isolde with a barely there French accent, Merlin winks.

“You don’t know who Lance is!” Says Merlin back.

“Of course I do, he is the hunk Gwen is dating! We follow each other on Instagram.” Isolde explains correctly and goes back to kissing Tristan. They appear to be always need to be touching each other. Arthur is jealous of the easy intimacy, he looks at Merlin who is grinning and his want grows.

“Nice to meet you, Arthur.” Adds Tristan holding out his hand. Arthur shakes it.

“You too. Congratulations!” He wishes them sincerely. 

“Thank you!” Isolde and Tristan answer in unison.

Arthur thinks Merlin is right about them.

They are worst than Gwen and Lance. His friends are in sync but these two are in another level. They probably finish each other sentences.

“En tous cas, Elle est Haruka, le meilluer expert on macarons du le monde.” Haruka looks like one of those k-pop stars, all porcelain skin, big brown eyes and light brown hair. She has a nice smile. ( Anyway, this is Haruka, the best expert on macarons of the world.)

“Ça c'est vrai? Parce que J'aime des macarons et si vous êtes le meilleur ,je doit les manger.” Says Arthur noticing some colour going to her cheeks. He can be charming if he wants to and he wants these people to like him. ( Is that true? Because I love them and if you're the best I have to try them .)

“Merlin exagère!”Adds Haru. ( Merlin is exagerating) 

“Pas du tout, Haru, Rappelez-vous qui m'a aidé à la fin dernière avec le tour du macaron, hein ?” says Merlin .( Not at all, Haru, remember who helped me on the last final with the tower of macarons, huh?)

Haruka shakes her head.

“Vous nous aidais tous.” Adds the very handsome bloke, with brown hair and dark green eyes, next to her with a smile and pulling her closer to him. (You helped us all ) 

“Arthur ,il est –“(Arthur, he is -)

“Pierre, enchanté!.” He says grinning ,standing up to give Arthur three kisses.( Pierre, nice to meet you.) 

Winking as he breaks apart.

So not Haruka’s boyfriend.

He can see Merlin rolling his eyes.

Merlin finishes introducing his friends, Manon and Adjavella, another couple, Manon with her short red hair and Adjavella with her black hair in a fully braided bun, made an striking pair, and they seemed as in love as Tristan and Isolde. Lastly Rashid, who with his tanned skin and curly brown hair looked like the Arabic version of Oscar Isaac and he is one the friendliest people that he has ever met and that includes Lance who would made friends with a rock.

They sit in front of Haruka and Pierre, after ordering.

“I forgot to tell you that Manon’s pronouns are he and his today.” Whispers Merlin on his ear.

Arthur nods, good to know. He wouldn’t want to made a mistake.

“Êtes vous tous pâtissiers?” He asks because they apparently meet at cooking school. ( Are you all pastry chefs?)

“Mais oui, nous Sommes les meilleur de notre promotion, Merlin est en fait le meilleur.C’est pas ça Merlin ?”Adds Pierre with a raised eyebrow and a proud smirk. (Of course, we were the best at our promotion, Merlin is actually the best, Isn't Merlin? ) 

They all laughed , he feel like he was missing a joke.

“Chacun a une specialization. Je suis glace ,Haru est macarons, elle travaille pour Sadahouru Aoki." (Everyone has a specialization. I'm ice cream, Haru is macarons, she works for Sadahouru Aoki. ) 

“Vous travailles lá? “ Arthur interrupts him showing Haruka the wrapper of the macaron he ate earlier with the logo of the store. “J'aime votre macaron du yuzu et du thé vert” He should tone down his excitement. (You work there ?- I love your macaron of yuzu and green tea.)

Haruka is smiling at him

“Je le kiffe” She says.Arthur turns to Merlin and and winks. ( I like him.)

Merlin chuckles.

“Manon et Adjavella sont pain et vienoisserie ,ils travaillent avec Erik Kayser ,personalment.” Keeps saying Pierre. ( Manon and Adjavella are bread and pastries, they work with Erik Kayser, personally.)

Arthur opens his eyes wide, he knows the man has a franchise on Paris and he is considered one of the best boulangers around the world.

The waiter brings his iced tea.

“Tu le connais?” Asks Merlin curious. ( You know him?)

Arthur nods and takes a sip, suddenly thirtsty. The way Merlin’s lips move speaking French is doing things for him.

“Rashid fait les plus beau gateaux du Paris ,il travaille dans le meiulleur restaurant au Paris , ça c’est comment je doit le dire, Rashid?” Pierre yells at his friend. ( Rashid makes the best cakes in Paris, he works in the best restaurant in Paris, that's how I have to say, Rashid ?

“Parfait, Pierre, il te manque Isolde et Tristan.” Adds Rashid, who was sitting next to Arthur. (Perfect, Pierre, you miss Isolde and Tristan.) 

“Vraie, Isolde est le chocolatier de le moment et Tristan est un specialiste avec caramel.” At hearing their names ,they raise their glasses. (True, Isolde is the chocolatier of the moment and Tristan is a specialist with caramel.)

“Et Merlin ?” Asks Arthur. (And Merlin? )

“Tout, il est un sorcier du patiserie.” Says Pierre with a mysterious smile. (All, he is a sorcerer of pastry.)

Merlin shakes his head a bit of blush on his cheeks.

“Je suis pas un sorcier! “( I'm not a wizard.) 

“ Ne mens pas, Merlin!” Yells Manon nudging his shoulder to Merlin.( Don’t lie, Merlin.)

“Il a fait des gâteaux et des pâtisseries pour mon anniversaire et je dois être d'accord avec vous. Tout était délicieux. Son mille feuille de framboise et crème, c'est mon préféré.” Says Arthur because he is a masochist who likes it when Merlin blushes. ( He made the cake and desserts for my birthday so I have to agree with you. They were delicious.His raspberry and cream pastry, it’s my favourite.) 

All turn to Arthur fixing their gazes on him, maybe he said the wrong thing.

"Voyez-vous, Merlin? Nous avons raison”. Says Manon softy.(Do you see, Merlin? We are right.)

“Il n'y a rien qu'il ne puisse pas faire. Redites-nous ce que tu fais à Londres au lieu de Paris, où tu nous manques?” Adds Adjavella with a raised eyebrow fixing her brown gaze on Merlin.( There is nothing he can't do. Tell us again what are you doing in London instead of Paris, where we miss you?

Merlin scratches the back of his neck,probably embarrassed. He is learning so many things tonight about Merlin, another facet of him and it just leaves him wanting to know more, to know them all. 

“Tu me manques aussi.” He says softly looking at his friends. ( I miss you too.)

Arthur came to Paris planning to forget or at least start thinking about him as only friends.

This is not working at all.

“So Arthur, tell us. What are you? “Asks Rashid in perfect English.

Arthur doesn’t question the change of language.

“I’m something very boring compared to your job or anyone else’s on this table. I am an economist.” He replies.

“Now Arthur, that is not true. Is it?” Adds Merlin with a tilted head.

He furrows his brow.

“He is the youngest CFO of 30 under 30 to watch according to the Times.” Merlin says in a tone meant to embarrass him but wrapping an arm around him.

The bastard.

It might not be the job he originally wanted but if he is gonna do it he is gonna do it better than the rest.

“Wow!” They are looking at him with wide eyes.

“How did you even know that?” Arthur asks turning to him and avoiding the glances.

“Google.” Merlin grins.

“You googled me? What for? You can just ask me, you know?”

Merlin just shrugs his shoulders.

Arthur shakes his head with a little smile.

It is kinda flattering, really.

“Which company do you work for, Arthur?” Asks Haruka before talking a bite of her food.

“Camelot Industries.” He replies proudly.

She almost chokes.

Pierre pats her back and she drinks some water.

“As in the company who made this?” Asks Isolde shoving her phone , the last Excalibur model in his face.

Arthur nods, grimacing internally.

“Huh.” She answers and goes back to her food.

Everyone else does the same.

“So If all of you are bakers ,who is making your wedding cake, Isolde?” Asks Arthur ,really trying for a change of topic. Even though he heard it before.

“Well, Merlin, of course. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been convinced to come .” Says Isolde giving a pointed look to Merlin.

“I would have come! Cake or no cake. I just have been busy, readjusting to London, being an adult and all that bullshit.”

They all laughed including Arthur.

At the end of the evening, Arthur felt he knew Merlin a bit more, he had made some new friends, and he had an invitation to Isolde and Tristan’s wedding.

All in all, a way better evening than the dinner and telly plan that he had for the night.

“They are a bit much.” Says Merlin who is accompanying him to the metro.

“They were lovely and they seem to care for you a lot.” Arthur is being sincere.

Merlin rubs the back of his neck.

“They liked you.” He adds.

“Of course they did. I’m a charming person, you know?” Says Arthur with a smirk. It0s what he is being trying they do all evening.

“Prat!” Merlin calls him and knocks his shoulder.

Arthur’s lips tilt up.

“Someone was specially charmed, alright. Pierre seemed to fall for you charms, my prince.” The tone was teasing but something didn’t feel right.

“I’m not interested. He seems nice and all but I don’t want anything with him.” Arthur clarifies. He doesn't want any misunderstandings.

Cause I want you., his head and heart provide.

“I see.” The words without the strain from before.

Arthur narrows his eyes .

“Wait, Did you just called me your prince?”

“I was playing with words Arthur, that is something smart people do, you know between charming and prince.” Merlin explains fumbling with the words.

Arthur raises an eyebrow.

“So you’re admitting that I am charming, then?” Sometimes it was too funny to rile Merlin up.

Merlin rolls his eyes.

“We are here.” Arthur says as he notices their surroundings.

It appears the tube is interrupting them every time they have a moment.

“Where are you staying ?”

“Near Ópera? You?” Arthur asks hoping maybe this time they go on the same direction.

“Do you wanna walk?” Merlin offers instead of responding.

“Yes.” His tone firm and hopeful, maybe Merlin doesn’t want the day to end either.

A wide grin appears on Merlin’s face that Arthur can’t help but imitate.

Arthur is ambivalent to walking but walking with Merlin is a completely different experience.

He has longer strides so Arthur has to be a bit faster to keep up, Merlin talks about his friends some more, and about his life in Paris, how he worked as a cashier to make ends meet, how long it took him to speak naturally in French, about one of the times Gwen came to visit him and how they walked all around Paris as not to spend so much money on transport.

How he shared a flat with Isolde and Manon, how they decided to create a LGBTQ+ club at their school since they were mostly practically it.

“So all of them are LGBTQ?” Arthur asks surprised.

The only queer person he is friends with other than Merlin is Mithian.

“Yeah, Isolde is demisexual and Tristan is pan, Manon is gender fluid, Adjavella is a lesbian who really just loves Manon, Pierre is gay, Haruka is trans, Rashid is aromantic and obviously there is me and my bisexual arse.”

“Obviously.”

Merlin smiles.

And then changes the topic again.

As Merlin talks , his face brightens or he smiles , his eyes crinkle and his dimples come out, he moves his hands explaining something.

Arthur can only watch and every once in a while, say a few words.

Merlin looks beautiful surrounded by the last rays of sunshine and the streetlights of Paris.

When they are arriving next to his flat, Arthur can’t help but thinking about how screwed he is and all because of Merlin.

“Are you doing something tomorrow afternoon?” Merlin asks excited.

Arthur really wants to say no but he has work and doesn’t know when he’ll finish, he got off easily enough today because it was just a meeting with the heads of departments and Marcel.

“I have work, I don’t know when I’ll finish.” Says Arthur regretfully.

Merlin’s lips are pressed together and he is looking downcast and then something brightens.

“How about you write me when you do and we can do dinner or something?” Merlin is looking at him with puppy eyes.

Arthur’s will is not strong enough.

“Sure, yeah. Let’s do that.” He is trying for nonchalant.

Merlin’s grin in blinding. Arthur’s smile is a little bit more subdued.

“Brilliant. I had a great time today.”

In one of Merlin’s fast moves ,he crashes Arthur against his chest and hugs him tight.

Unlike last time, the hug is longer and Arthur can appreciate the smells of butter and apple coming from Merlin, he smells like apple pie and something woodsy. Figures.

“Me too.” He almost whispers.

Merlin backs up and hides his hands on his pockets.

“See you tomorrow.” He says as he leaves.

As soon as he is out of view, Arthur sighs and leans on the door.

What does Merlin have that makes him feel like a fifteen year old with a crush?

Arthur calls Elena as he sits on the sofa.

“Artie! How’s Paris?”

“I ran into Merlin.”he replies simply.

“What?!” She yells. Arthur holds his phone farther from his ear.”Are you bloody kidding me?”

“Unfortunately no, he is here for a friend’s wedding. I met his friends, too.”

“What are the fucking chances?”

Elena only curses when she is excited or surprised.

“It’s Murphy’s law.”

“ Or maybe it’s fate.” Elena adds calmer now and a tad of hope on her voice.

Arthur shakes his head vehemently then he remembers she can’t see him.

“Ellie, no. It was just a coincidence, you know I don’t believe in that stuff.”

“I’ve been thinking that I can ask Gwaine if he knows something…” Elena offers.

“And let the whole country know? No bloody way. Your boyfriend is a blabber mouth.”

“Yeah… how about Gwen? “

Arthur actually considers it. She is Merlin’s best friend and trustworthy although she is more Merlin’s friend than his. She might not tell him anything out of respect to Merlin.

“She won’t tell us. She is his best friend.” Arthur says leaning his head on the cushy sofa.

On one hand , he does want to know what Merlin’s actual feelings are from a different source. On the other hand Arthur already has the no, there is a small part of him that is hopeful that maybe despite the friends comment the other day Merlin does like him, and it’s that sliver of hope that makes him say.

“I’m not ready to know. I want to enjoy this, whatever this is a little longer.”

He hears his cousin’s sigh over the phone.

“I understand.” And he knows she does. “ What are you going to do, then?”

“Complain to you and pine for a while?” He asks amused.

Elena laughs.

“I’m all ears, anytime.”

“I know. Thanks for listening to me complain about my pathetic crush.” He says and he realises his words are true, he has a very pathetic crush on Merlin.

“Of course, it was about time our roles were reversed.” She adds trying to lighten the mood.

“Good night,Ellie.”

“Night, Artie.”

Talking to his cousin has helped that feeling of uneasiness that came over him after Merlin left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ^^


	4. Paris Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for making you wait, hope it was worth it.  
> Also this contains spoilers to Skam France so if you haven't watch it go watch it.  
> Sorry again.

That night Arthur dreams of warmth, of sky blue eyes, pink lips and dark hair.  

Of those strong hands on him, everywhere in his chest, on his hair, on his hips, gripping tight. 

Arthur has never been less eager to go to work. He wanted to follow the sensation a bit longer on the comfort of his dreams. 

Everything explains the brief awkwardness he experiences seeing Merlin again after that. He might have stared a bit too much at his lips and hands. Those lips so pink and full... 

Arthur wets his own mouth and bites his bottom lip. 

“Arthur, are you okay?” Merlin asks frowning and placing a hand on his shoulder. 

He shakes his head minutely. 

“Of course, I am.” He says casually. ” I am perfectly fit.” Arthur keeps saying, this time patting his flat stomach. 

As good a distraction as any even if it is a ridiculous one. 

Merlin looks him up and down and murmurs something impossible to hear. 

“What was that?” Arthur asks him. 

“I said, you are a prat and a cabbage head.” Merlin says mouthing the words in exaggeration. 

Arthur knows that was not what he said but lets it go. 

“Remind me, why are we friends again?”Arthur asks teasingly. 

“Because I have an amazing personality and I am way cooler than you.” Merlin replies deadpan. 

“You just remind me why I call you an idiot, you see. Because you said those words and believe them. Now I wasn't before but I am completely sure you were dropped as a child. Your poor mother.” Arthur says the last words on a pitiful tone. 

Merlin rolls his eyes. 

“You still like me .” Merlin retorts. 

And isn’t that true… 

Arthur likes him way too much 

Apparently, Arthur has been quiet for too long because Merlin blurts. 

“Not like that.You know what I mean.”  There is a blush on his cheeks. 

“I still like you.” Arthur says looking at his eyes, because sometimes he can be brave and sincere. 

There is a soft smile on Merlin’s lips. 

“I do too. God knows why.” 

For a brief moment it feels like they are being more serious than the usual joking around until Arthur gets Merlin on a headlock and messes with his hair. 

Merlin tries to get away from his hold calling him names like dollophead , cabbage head and his personal favourite, prat. 

When they finally separate, Merlin punches his arm, with more strength than Arthur was expecting.  

All very matey. 

“Ouch, that hurt.” He complains for the sake of it. 

“Sorry, strong hands. Comes with the job.” Merlin apologises, looking at his hands. 

Arthur stares too and that way goes madness. 

Those long and pale fingers caressing his face, the bridge of his nose, his lips later his neck, his shoulders, his chest, those hands travelling farther south clutching his hipbones, the soft tantalising touch. 

When their gazes meet the yearning in Arthur grows, he wants to touch him, to be touched by him, he wants that silly wide smile only for him. 

His heart feels squeezed on his ribcage and his brain pictures the beautiful vision of them together, skin against skin, a shiver goes to his spine, straightening him up like a rod. 

This is a sweet torment. 

He imagines them together. Hands clasped, fingers intertwined, laughing together, chatting, cuddling on the couch, sleeping next to the other. 

So many scenarios. 

Oh, he is so very fucked. 

“Haru gave me something to you” adds Merlin getting something from his pocket and getting Arthur out of his sweet reverie. 

A small transparent bag with a familiar logo. 

Macarons. 

Arthur stares longingly at them. Merlin chuckles. 

“You really have a very sweet tooth, don’t you? “ He asks half snorting. Arthur grabs the bag and just shrugs. 

“You made the catering for my birthday, you know I do.” Arthur finally answers after taking a bite of the yellow macaron. 

“What surprises me is that you know your stuff too. I noticed the faces you made when my friends were talking about who they work for. I have never told you where I work, have I ?” Starts Merlin. 

Arthur frowns, how much of an idiot has he been that he hasn’t even ask that? 

The answer is very much. 

“You haven’t and unlike you I am a polite enough person who doesn’t google their friends.” 

Merlin snorts. 

“I work at Crumbs and Doilies.” 

Arthur open his eyes widely, he did wonder where did his sister find Merlin, of course she’d go to his favourite shop and hire someone from there. 

Merlin chuckles, most probably at his reaction. The bastard knows is his favourite place. 

“I have never seen you.” Arthur blurts and then winces internally. 

His behaviour is very unlike him but at the same time he feels like himself the most when he is with Merlin. 

“I don’t work at the shop. I work at the central. Your sister was lucky to find me at the shop that day.” Merlin explains softly. 

“But why? I’m not in any way trying to downplay your job but according to your friends, Gwen and from what I tested, you should be at a world class restaurant.” 

Merlin’s lips tilt up and a mysterious look goes to his eyes. 

“That must’ve been the first compliment you’ve ever given me.” If only Merlin were on his head. 

“You have never complimented me so… “ Arthur retorts. 

“You’re such a child.” 

Arthur has a few words on his mouth but decides to swallow them. 

“You haven’t said anything. Why are you working there?” Arthur asks again, confused as to why Merlin isn’t answering the question and trying to distract him. 

Arthur frowns at his friend, who is just looking at him with a mysterious smile. 

“Because I love it. Because I don’t want to be a renowned pastry chef, I want to be in my city, with my friends doing a job I love. I went away because I had to learn all that I could and then I did and realised that the restaurant work is not my thing. Don’t get me wrong I love the complicated desserts that when people taste them, they feel like they are tasting a bit of magic, you know?  But despite that I feel I do the same thing at the shop with birthday cakes or for special events or just like when you go and buy a cupcake. Doesn’t make your day better?” His friend asks staring at him, crazy grin in place. 

Arthur can only nod, loss for words. Merlin’s whimsical and sweet speech has left him reeling.  

“So you’re happy? “ Arthur finally asks. It seems to be something he is always asking him.  

“I am.” His smile widening. He is jealous of Merlin’s happiness, of Merlin’s courage, and of Merlin’s kindness, of Merlin getting his dream. 

It just makes him remember that he is not happy. He hasn’t been for a while, he hasn’t been since his father yelled at him and he resigned of his own dream. His future. 

“Are you?” Merlin asks and he hasn’t asked him that question before.  

Arthur doesn’t know what to say, is he content with his life in general? Kinda. Does he feel he is living to his full potential? No. He feels trapped sometimes and like all he wants to do is run away, leave his father behind and just live his life, the one he chooses to live not the one that was chosen for him. 

“I don’t know if I am honest.” He almost whispers. 

His gaze meets Merlin’s. He doesn’t find the pity he was expecting only understanding and isn’t that a weird feeling. 

“That’s okay. Are you sad?”  

“You’re really asking hard questions today.” His response a mirror to the one Merlin gave him at the club last week. 

Merlin just shrugs his shoulders. 

Arthur sighs. He is aware that he is deflecting. He just never thought about it. 

He knows he is not exactly happy but he is not exactly sad either, he loves his sister and his cousin, he loves his friends, he is good at his job, he likes that he gets to take little trips sometimes and get lost in a city. He likes spending time with Merlin. He likes how he feels when he is with him even if they are just friends.  

“I’m not sad. Is my life what I wanted it to be? No, but I don’t dislike it. It has great things.” Arthur clears his throat trying to hide his embarrassment at the confession. 

What is Merlin doing to him? 

“Then that’s enough. Don’t you think? “  Merlin cocks his head like a puppy trying to understand you. Arthur has to blink away that image. It’s too adorable. 

“Maybe. So… Tomorrow I was thinking about going to the Tour Eiffel. Do you want to come with me?” Arthur asks changing the topic, he is not wired to deal with emotions. 

Merlin shuffles his feet and looks at his hands. Arthur frowns, did he ask such a weird thing?  

“Yeah. I’ll go.” Merlin finally says.  

“Great.” Arthur adds casually. 

That night when he lays down on his bed, he wonders if Merlin took the invitation as something else and that’s why he got nervous, then he shakes his head. Of course not.  Merlin was the one that said that they were mates. 

He thinks that maybe he was wrong when he sees Merlin a bit more dressed up than usual.  

He is reconsidering his jeans and white shirt combo.  

They are meeting at _Trocadéro_ , instead of the more busy _Champ de Mars- Tour Eiffel_ _._

Just as they are buying the tickets. Arthur offers to pay for them both since it was his idea.  

“I pegged you for someone who didn’t do tourist things. “ Merlin says when they are finally on the last level, watching the view, Arthur takes a photo for Instagram. He sees Merlin leaning on the rails, the sun hitting his face just right, Arthur can’t help but capture the moment. 

That one he is going to keep to himself. 

“Hey! Dollophead! “Merlin calls for him. He might have spent more time than necessary paying attention to the picture.  

“What!” He says, putting his phone on his pocket, better to resist temptation. 

“How come you wanted to come to the Tour Eiffel, haven’t you been here hundreds of times already?” Merlin asks sarcastically. 

“Not as many as you think. It’s my Mum’s favourite city. It was.” He corrects himself. He should be used to use the past tense referring to her.” We used to come here every time we were on the city. She used to say he who contemplates the depths of Paris is seized with vertigo. Nothing is more fantastic. Nothing is more tragic. Nothing is more sublime.” Victor Hugo was one of her favourites.  

“And what better place to see Paris than the Tour Eiffel.”adds Merlin with a little warm smile. 

The words hit him right on the chest. The voice was different but the tone was the same. That was exactly what his mother said after the quote. 

He takes a deep breath trying to calm himself. He shouldn’t be affected as he is. It was just a coincidence. He closes his eyes, grips the rail tighter.  

The pain of knowing his mother is not there, that if he opens his eyes he won’t see her. It hasn’t been that hard in years. While Paris always brings the good memories of her to the surface, he has always been always able to focus on something else, on the warmth of her hugs, the brightness of her eyes, the beauty of her smile. The love she had for him and his sister.  

Usually just makes him stronger, now he is crumbling. He wills the tears not to fall. 

Arthur can feel the dents of the rail marking his palm. He manages to focus on that. 

He won’t cry. 

He is in public, he won’t cry. 

“Arthur? “ Merlin asks suddenly on his field of vision. 

And that helps. 

Seeing him helps. 

Arthur pulls himself together and with a broken voice just says Merlin’s name realising how bad he sounds he clears his throat and says Merlin’s name again.

He tries to rub any wetness he might have on his eyes discreetly. 

He is fine. He is just fine. 

“Arthur, are you okay?”  

“Splendid.” He replies in a fake cheery tone; he is praying Merlin doesn’t notice.” He gets closer to the bars.” It’s such a beautiful view, don’t you think.” He puts his phone on his face taking another picture trying to hide his eyes. It’s as great as the one he took before. Of course it is. 

After saving the picture on his phone, Merlin approaches him, his face showing a lot of emotions. Arthur just looks at him confused. 

“Do you want to go eat something sweet?” Merlin asks cheerily and Arthur can’t say no. 

“Sure!” 

He is not sad that they left the Eiffel Tower quickly, He already did what he came here for.  

They are sitting at a little bakery, the sun on their faces, Merlin basking in the light like a cat, eyes closed, face relaxed. Arthur is enraptured totally ignoring his peach tart. 

“You know, I only have my mom, I never meet my father.” His friend says, not opening his eyes. 

Arthur was enjoying the view and the silence but the words Merlin used to break it make his heart ache in a unfamiliar way. Before he can put a word in, Merlin speaks again “I know that is in no way comparable with what you went through with your mother but I thought I’d share, you seemed distraught earlier.” He noticed, of course he did.

Merlin clears his throat and finally fixes that blue gaze on him. 

“Obviously I don’t miss my father I am happy with only my mum and Uncle Gaius and my friends. Gwen and my friend Will, we all shared our parents, in a way we had two mums and a dad. We used to make fun of the kids with two parents, before you say anything, I know I was petty but that is what you do when you’re little. We were jealous, we all wanted two parents loving and happy. I used to … well I still stare at fathers with their little sons, playing at the park or riding bikes. What does it say about me that I’m 25 years old and I still want a dad? “Merlin, who has been staring at his hands while he was telling him this, gives a self-deprecating laugh.  

“What I’m trying to say with this sad story is that, you don’t have to hide that you miss your mum. It’s okay. I won’t judge. “Arthur nods, since no sounds are coming out of his mouth.  

He knew some of the story by Gwen, he knew he didn’t have a father, he is amazed but how casually and unaffected he spoke despite the truth on his eyes and his body language. 

“Is your father dead?” Arthur finally has the courage to ask, he is curious now about the whole thing, like everything that is Merlin’s related. He can talk about, music, or books or anything he is interested in for hours but he doesn’t share much information about himself except the times when Arthur shares too. 

Merlin shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know. My mum and my biological father, only meet each other briefly, they had a summer fling. My father was on Cardiff on vacation, he is from Belfast, at least that I know. Their relationship wasn’t anything serious, they were just having fun. When my mum told him about the pregnancy, he went missing the next day. She went to where he was staying and all his things were gone, back then she only had his address on Cardiff and the phone so no way of communicating with him. Nine months later I was born.” Arthur has been observant of all Merlin’s expressions as he tells the story, there is no regret or fury, just acceptance. There is no wishfulness, he even grins at the last sentence. It says something about Merlin, living that and not letting it affect you or at least pretend so well that it doesn’t.  

“Did you look for him? “Arthur whispers trying not to disturb the moment they’re sharing. He knows that what Merlin is saying is important. 

Merlin takes a deep breath and then chuckles, like he remembered something funny. 

“Once, my mom, she has an old phonebook, with his full name. You know my name would be Merlin Dragan, if he recognized me. I tried to look for him when I was fifteen or so, I looked on the white pages and on the internet is not like Dragan is a very common name. There was nothing, no articles, no numbers, nothing. I figured he really didn’t want to be found. It’s fine. Sometimes I don’t want to be found either.”  

Arthur knows that sentiment too, to get away and disappear forever. 

“I’m sorry.” He doesn’t know if that is what Merlin wants to hear but Merlin grins nevertheless. 

The silence surrounds them again, both of them engaged in eating their desserts. 

“My mum... she died when I was fourteen and Morgana was sixteen, next year I would have spent the same years with her than without her. One of the reasons that I live on her old flat is because I feel like a part of her is there with me. “He has never told this to anyone, not even Lance or Elena, but he figured they’d know. “She loved to read, she would always have a book on her night stand, she was an English professor at Oxford, you know?  Every Sunday she would bake something and tend to her garden, it had so many flowers and vegetables. She would end up covered in dirt, sometimes me or Morgana would help her, Morgana with the plants and me with the baking, I guess is her fault I have such a sweet tooth, huh. She was so very loving and caring, she had her temper of course, but she was usually calm, she would always ask me about my classes, my friends, my life. She was the first person I told I might not be straight, obviously I didn’t know what pansexual was back then, she just told me that she will forever love me and that it didn’t matter who I loved as long as they loved me in return. “He can feel some moisture on his eyes. He tries to get rid of it with the back of his hand and takes a bite of the tart, giving himself a moment. Not wanting to look at Merlin, not yet. 

All the good memories are rushing together on his brain, and his heart is hurting, if only he could see her one more time, hug her one more time. Tell her he loved her one more time. 

“She... she was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was thirteen, even at the hospital she would try to make my father smile, she was the only one capable of getting him to smile on a bad day. We knew she was suffering but she still smiled for us, she did it for us. She didn’t want us to treat her differently. She was strong, really strong, in the end, she crumbled, she was in pain constantly, we very obviously didn’t know what to do, Morgana and me would be at the hospital every afternoon, we didn’t want to be separated from her, we wanted to enjoy every moment left with her. When sh...she died, my sister and me we promised each other that we would take of one another. Our father is not the most caring person and we could see how her death broke him. I miss her a lot, there is usually a moment when something happens to me and I want to tell her and then I remember that she is not there anymore. Silly, right?”  He is glad that at least he was able to blurt everything out, he feels lighter.  

He feels a hand covering his, he looks at the owner of the hand, Merlin’s face is crumbled in pain, his eyes wet and a bit red, he is doing what Arthur doesn’t allow himself to do. To crumble. 

“Your mum sounds very lovely. No wonder you miss her. She is amazing.” The tone is soft and careful. 

Arthur appreciates how he speaks of his mum on the present tense, like she was still here. 

“There’s something about you Merlin. I don’t know what it is but it makes want to tell you my deepest secrets.” He says in an outburst. Wanting to hide the next moment. It was more than he should have said.  

The hand that hasn’t left his own just squeezes tighter. 

“I could say the same to you and I have on those faces.” 

“The face of a dollophead, yeah I can see that.” 

Merlin sticks out his tongue like a child breaking the intensity of the moment. 

“That’s my word, Arthur, don’t steal it.” Because apparently, he is childish too, he shows him his tongue too. 

What a pair of adults. 

“Want to take a walk?” Merlin asks with a grin, 

“Yes.”  

“Move your fat arse then.” His friend stands up and offers him a hand.  

“My arse is not fat” Arthur exclaims, taking the others hand. 

Merlin moves his head to actually look at his back side. 

“Well...”  

“I hate you!”  

Merlin shakes his head as he laughs. 

“No, you don’t.” Merlin adds and honestly Arthur can’t contradict him.  

It’s not until they have been walking for a while that Arthur realises that he hasn’t stop holding Merlin’s hand. 

When he finally does, his heart races and he feels like the first time he hold the hand of someone he liked. 

Apparently, Merlin notices at that same time because he lets the hand go and apologises. 

“Don’t worry is fine. I didn’t notice either.” He tells him smiling. Even though he misses the sensation already. It has felt so natural and comfortable. Like they fit together 

“I said I don’t mind, Merlin, really.” He is trying to make him understand what he is not able to say but it doesn’t seem to be working. 

Merlin gets quiet and an awkward silence involves them. 

“So what is it with you and your fear of public transport.” Arthur asks trying to get them in comfortable territory. 

“I am not afraid of public transport.” Merlin argues a bit outraged. 

“Then why do you walk everywhere?” 

“I like the exercise.” Arthur can’t pinpoint why he knows he is lying. 

Thankfully the question brings them again to their earlier comfort and they keep talking until they reach Arthur’s apartment. 

“Well, this is me.” Arthur says pointing at the door behind him like a dork. 

“I know.” Merlin adds snickering. 

He doesn’t want the evening to end, he is not sure of what is happening between them, he just knows is not the friendship, Merlin wants it to be, he knows that at least on his part it isn’t and the vibe he is getting from Merlin is saying something similar or maybe he is just projecting. 

“Actually, do you want to come up? I have something for you.” Arthur remember the comic book he bought the other day and that he hasn’t give it to him yet.  

Merlin has a surprised expression. 

“You bought me something?” His face lights up and Arthur stares, 

“Yes, do you want it or...” He leaves the sentence in the air giving Merlin the option to say no. 

Merlin nods enthusiastically. 

“Of course, I do.” 

As soon as Arthur welcomes him in, Merlin opens his mouth and looks around.  

Arthur is aware of how big the apartment is, but his grandparents thought that he and Morgana would surely make a good use of it, they do. 

Morgana decorated it on style that matched both of their tastes, The place is an open space, full of light, just like he likes. Full of art and family pictures, just like Morgana likes it, the furniture is comfortable but modern, they love the big brown leather couch, they always have a couple of blankets on the arm rests, they do have a lot pillows but Morgana really has a thing for them. He likes the TV and the DVD's collection that they have, it is small compared to the one he has on his apartment but they don’t stay here as often.  

The walls are painted on a light blue, that Arthur thinks resembles the colour of Merlin’s eyes. 

The kitchen though is all chrome and white and mostly unused since any of them really know how to cook and they rely mostly on take away or going to restaurants. Merlin is just looking at it as if he found gold in it. 

“Your kitchen is so beautiful!” He says as he caresses the marble counters. 

“Thanks? I have never been complimented on my kitchen so this is a first. “ Arthur adds amused by Merlin’s reactions. 

“It's lovely." Merlin says softly and then he seems to see the giant TV that covers almost a wall of he living room. "That's your telly?! " He asks pointing at it, mouth half open.

"Yes. Are you going to be in awe of eveything on my apartment?" Arthur questions half serious.

"Maybe..." Merlin gets closer to the telly and whispers something.

"What did you just say?"

Merlin stops on his tracks, apparently embarrassed that he got caught.

"Nothing." Merlin lies. Arthur stares him down until he speaks again. "I said that I can't imagine watching Skam France here."

That reply makes him even more confused than before.

"Watch what?" Arthur sits on his couch, he is a bit tired and he doesn't know why but that makes Merlin more nervous than before.

"Skam France, it's a remake of a Norwegian show. They have them almost all over Europe." Merlin's enthusiasm about it is really palpable.

"So what is it about?" Arthur asks more curious than anything.

Merlin sits crosslegged next to him, not leaving a lot of space. This man and his lack of self awareness, he will never know what personal space is, however right this moment, Arthur enjoys it. He likes having this closeness with him, feeling their legs touch, Merlin's face so close to his.

"Well, it's amazing, I've been trying to get somebody else to watch it, Freya said that it needed more drama, but I love it just how it is." Merlin says excitedly.

"Okey ... but what exactly is it about ?" Arthurs asks a little dubious. Knowing Merlin it could be from a murder mistery to a sitcom about a Latino family. 

"It's about teenagers and their lives, it has four seasons, the third season is my favourite is about a boy who is struggling with his sexuality, it's so well done and the love story is so beautiful."

Of course, there is love involved, despite Merlin's disbelief on happy endings, He did say that he likes them.

Arthur tries not to look at Merlin the sappy idiot he is. It probably doesn't work.

"Altight let's watch it." He says because he is now sucker that can deny Merlin anything apparently, 

Merlin's million watts smile and bright eyes, only corroborate the fact.

"Are you serious?" 

"Yeah, wait how many episodes does this have?" He might have said yes too quickly.

"Only ten and they are like twenty minutes long, they are all on You Tube."

 Honestly even if they were an hour long and twenty five, he would watch them just to be longer with Merlin. Thankfully is early still and tomorrow he doesn't have to go to work until late. 

Arthur shakes his head, what happened to him?

" You're not gonna regret it and if you do .. well we would no longer be friends." Merlin threatens jokingly or Arthur hopes is jokingly.

"No pressure then."

"Nope." Merlin adds, using the telly's remote control to get into the You Tube app and logging into his account, and he seems to have the show already on his playlist before hitting play ,he turns to Arthur and asks " Do you have popcorn?"

Instead of responding, he goes to his kitchen to get the few snacks he has and to put the popcorn on the microwave.

 

"There you go. Want anything to drink? " He asks because his mother raised him to be a good host, even in impromtu occasions.

"Just water,please."

Arthur feels the need for something alcoholic, it's gonna be a long night next to Merlin's warmth and presence and some beer is gonna be the only thing to stop his ridiculous brain from doing something he might regret or maybe it would have the opposite effect and he will finally do something about it, either way is a win-win situation. 

From where he is on the kitchen, he can only see Merlin’s black hair and wide shoulders, he sighs and takes a sip of the bottle of beer. 

He wishes he could just place his arms around him, tuck his chin on the place between his neck and shoulders and leave a small kiss on his cheek.  

“Fuck!” He says. 

“Everything okay?” Merlin asks turning to him. 

Arthur plasters a smile and just points at the beer. 

“The beer spilled out.” He lies. 

When everything is ready, the snacks on the little table next to the sofa, Merlin finally hits play. 

After watching the first episode he can’t help but to see a part of himself on Lucas, the main, pretending everything is fine, the internal battle with himself to not let people really see how he is. 

He can also see the way the protagonist reacts to the other boy and he can’t but also remember the first time he saw Merlin, how he couldn’t but look back. 

Thankfully they have a better first meeting than he and Merlin did. 

He has a lot of regrets in life but that date is on the top five, he wonders sometimes what would have happened if he didn’t act like an arsehole and instead flirted with Merlin, maybe they would be together right now. 

“Arthur? What did you think? Do you like it?”  

“That girl totally cockblocked them!” He says outraged because she did. 

Merlin laughs, probably at his outburst. 

“Should I put the next one, then?” 

Arthur nods, the show is good, and honestly the two boys are good looking. He just has to leave his own similitudes to Lucas aside. 

By the time the third episode rolls around and the two mains are cockblocked again. Arthur turns to Merlin; he is way too addicted. 

“Are those two going to kiss or what? Lucas was willing, you could see it on his eyes! “Arthur yells at the screen. 

“Maybe Eliott was going to, now we will never know “Merlin adds. 

 Arthur groans. 

“Well at least we know he likes boys too.” 

“You know he is pansexual actually, like you. “The sentence is said casually but it reaches Arthur just the same. 

“I have never seen a pansexual character on tv.” Arthur confesses. “The only famous person I know who is, it’s Miley Cyrus.” When he was younger, he used to say he was bisexual so people would understand it better, but it felt like a lie when that label didn’t really identify him, then one day  Elena and him ended up looking for sexualities on the internet and the moment he came across pansexual, he knew. That’s what he was.  

Merlin nudges his shoulder. 

“That is why representation matters.” Merlin says. 

“Yeah...”  If only young Arthur could have seen this.  

When they finally kiss, Arthur can’t stop watching, he can recognize the yearning, the passion, the realization that their feelings were shared, that relief. 

It’s beautiful but he can only imagine Merlin and himself on a similar situation, thinking about it makes him feel his pulse on his ears- 

He turns to Merlin who is also looking at the screen enraptured but as soon as he feels Arthur’s eyes on him, twists to him. 

Their eyes meet, and he feels a tension on the air, his gaze travels from his eyes to his lips, he can feel Merlin doing the same, he wants more than anything to break the space that separates them. 

He does. 

</script" alt="ARTHUR'S POST" />

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, your comments and kudos really make my day.  
> If you ever want to talk I'm samgreenstorm in tumblr. Don't be shy!


	5. Arthur is an idiot, but then we know this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a moment before you kiss someone when the tension is palpable and you're waiting for the other person to take the first step and if they don't and if you're desperate enough you just do it yourself.  
> Is Arthur desperate enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delayed chapter, life got in the way.

After Paris, Arthur was more sure than ever that he had to move on, Merlin would never see him as a potential love interest. He made that pretty clear. It hurt but better sooner rather than later. So now he had to move on so he activated his old Tinder profile.

Which was step one.

Step two was getting pissed and going out. Alcohol is not the cure to all problems but it helps you forget them for a while.

Step three was having a random hook up. Because that is what is happening with him, he needs sex and all that he thought was feeling towards Merlin was just lust.

Step four was telling Ellie and Morgana so they won’t bother him with Merlin related questions specially his sister but never telling about the hook up so they won’t judge him.

Step five was not talking with Merlin as much or at all but he knows that’s hard since they are friends. He really is starting to hate that word.

So there, they were 5 simple steps.

The first step was the simplest, in less than five minutes he was in. A world of people at his disposal.

Three swipes later he found a match. Jabir, tall, hazel eyes, athletic apparently capable of having at least some type of conversation. They were meeting that night at a bar so it was helpful for step two.

As soon as he arrived at the bar and saw Jabir, he wanted to run away unfortunately he saw him first and beckon him over to the bar.

Fuck!

“Arthur, right?” Jabir asks. Arthur nods and adds a nice to meet you. Up close, Arthur can tell that at least Jabir didn’t lie about all those water sports he did. The tight but not too tight shirt was showing a fit bloke and he had a nice smile and deep voice.

“Shall we order?” Offers Arthur, sitting next to him.

“Yeah, I’ll have a Guinness, please.” Jabir says to the bartender.

“Me too.” He was thinking about something stronger but this would do.

 

Three Guinness later, Arthur was actually having a nice time, Jabir was nice, funny and apparently had a very similar upbringing as he did. And he was getting closer by the pint which didn’t hurt. He had warm hands and bedroom eyes.

“Do you want to get out of here?” He asks with a smile and his thumb pointing to the door. Arthur can’t say yes faster. As soon as they are outside, Arthur takes his hand and guides him to a dark alleyway, pushes him to a wall and kisses him as hungrily and with as much passion as if he would actually be Merlin.

But he is not, even if his skin is warm and his lips are soft. He doesn’t smell like apple pie and grass. He doesn’t have that wild black hair of his and those clear blue eyes.

And he doesn’t have those full lips. Jabir smells like a pool and some musky cologne. Jabir has a shaved head with a broader nose and dark green that just pull you. One of his hands is on his hair bringing Arthur closer, the other is teasing the waistband of his boxers where his dick is getting interested in the procedure.

“Yours or mine?” Jabir asks almost breathless. “Yours.” Answers Arthur quickly. He doesn’t need any memory of what is about to happen on his flat. They break apart and Jabir smiles kindly and takes his hand, his thumb caressing him. Arthur really really wants his hand back. He is not a hand holding type of person.

No, he is not remembering when he walked hand in hand with Merlin at Paris. Nope.

He tries to get it back without making a fuss so he pretends to look for his mobile and puts his hands in his pockets. Jabir’s smile disappears for a moment. “I live right across the street.” He adds pointing at a white building.

Arthur looks at him with a raised eyebrow. It’s way too convenient

“You choose the bar not me.” Jabir says with humour. Point taken.

Arthur’s lips tilt up slightly. “Then lucky us.” He adds.

When the door closes behind them, he doesn’t even take a look at the flat, he just does the same move as before. He is feeling way too out of sorts he needs to take some control. Breaths mingled and Jabir’s hands on his arse.

“I like getting pushed against a wall as much as the next bloke but I have a perfectly good couch.” Jabir says in between kisses. Deciding it’s better for his body in the long run, he lets Jabir guide him. In the way he takes off his shirt and sees Jabir do the same. Chest to chest on the sofa, the kisses turn more heated and Arthur starts to rub himself against Jabir, who moans at the contact. Jabir opens his legs giving him more space while Arthur tries to get his hand on Jabir when he finally touches him, Jabir arches his back and moans again. Arthur tries to keep some kind of rhythm despite the weird posture. He puts his mouth on Jabir’s chest, he is as smooth as silk.

“Stop!” Jabir says. Arthur stops immediately taking his hand and breaking apart. He doesn’t know which expression he is showing but Jabir laughs.

Arthur frowns and Jabir tries to smooth down his frown.

“So, you are a gentleman, huh?” Jabir says smiling

“I said stop and you did it without second thought even when I can feel your erection against your pants”. Jabir opens his fly and pushes down his briefs and takes him in hand. “I only said stop because you were tearing me apart without letting me properly touch you and I am a firm believer in fairness, you see. “ His warm breath is near his cock.

He feels a tingle all over his body. There is a part of him that thinks that the pleasure that he is getting is good, however there is another part of him which feels like this isn't totally right.,.

“Jabir…” he says trying to make his mind forget and listening to his body.

While looking at Arthur. Jabir’s lips go to where he wanted, his mouth overwhelms him. His blood is pumping and his heart is beating fast. The smooth feeling of tongue, the warmness of his mouth all of it is making him let go.

“That’s good.” Jabir says from where he is on his knees.

“You were too tense, it’s not good for your back, you know.” Arthur only nods and in a moment of brightness he takes the rest of his clothes off. Jabir’s touch feels almost cold to his feverish body. His right hand is up and down, his tongue going with it. His left is teasing his nipples. Arthur can’t help the deep moan coming out of his mouth but he is keeping his eyes closed, intensifying the sensations. He only wants to feel not think if he does, he will regret this, the intimacy he is sharing with someone he is attracted to but that he doesn’t like.

He knows that if Jabir keeps this up, he won’t last much longer. It’s been a long time since he last was with a man and this one is tantalising him in the best ways.

“Jabir.” He says touching his head. Jabir’s hazel eyes are fixed on his. “Now you’re the one being unfair.” He struggles to say. Jabir smiles and this time Arthur smiles back. Arthur might not like him as much as he would like, but here developing some affection towards him, he is kind, smart and very handsome also Jabir makes him comfortable, that uneasiness he had at the beginning of the night is going away.

When they both are finished and tired, Jabir guides him again, this time to his bedroom. Arthur wasn’t thinking about staying the night but the sweet smiles and warm looks have convinced him. He needs to feel liked and loved for a little while longer, no pressure. Jabir just pulls him into his arms. Arthur sleeps peacefully.

He wakes up disoriented but rested. There’s an arm around him which he recognised as Jabir’s. He is at Jabir’s where he slept last night.

Arthur tries to look for his trousers on the floor but then he remembers that he left them on the living room. Leaving the room quietly he goes to search them.

Fortunately, he doesn’t have to work today so no walk of shame to the office.

Unfortunately, he has several messages from Elena, Morgana, Lance and Leon. Arthur sighs and combs his hair with his fingers.

“I was expecting you to be running away already not sulking on my couch.” He hears Jabir say from where he is resting against the door. Arthur turns and finds him with a crooked smile and his hands in some low waisted jeans no shirt. He is as gorgeous now as he was last night.

“I am not sulking.” He defends himself.

“And you are not running away.” Jabir adds getting closer to the kitchen.” Am I going to be able to be a good host and get you breakfast or…?” He asks looking at the door. Arthur’s stomach decides to answer for him growling as if he hasn’t eaten in days. Jabir chuckles. “I guess that answers it.” Weirdly he doesn’t want to go. He follows Jabir to the kitchen.

A plate of scrambled eggs and bacon later, they are laughing and a sense of dread comes to him when he realises he does have to go because Jabir is going to work even if Arthur isn’t.

“Well, unlike some lucky ones, I do have to go to work so…”

“Right, of course.” Arthur stands up and for a moment he just stays there not knowing what until he remembers that he is half naked and he has no shoes on so he starts picking up his things and putting them on. Arthur goes to the bathroom to freshen up, his father’s words on his mind. Always looks proper even if you spend the night with a lady. No reason to look unkempt. Jabir is not a lady but the advice is still ingrained on his brain.

He always feels better after cleaning his face, he wishes he could brush his teeth and have a shower but beggars are not choosers.

Arthur is finally reading the messages; his sister wants to go to lunch. Elena wanted to check up on him and maybe have some coffee later, Lance and Leon are just asking about the footie match next Saturday. No messages from Merlin. A twinge of disappointment arises but is quickly put down by the moment when Arthur rememeber what happened at the wedding.. He shakes his head, he really doesn’t need to think about that right now. He says yes to both his sister and his cousin because he knows he left them hanging the other days after the news.

Someone clearing his throat brings him back to the moment. Jabir is in a maroon suit who fits him like a glove. So most probably tailored.

“Arthur? Shall we go?” Jabir asks picking up a black backpack from a chair near the entrance. Already outside, Jabir is looking at him intently.

“Do I have something on my face?” He touches it looking for anything out of the ordinary. Jabir takes his hand.

“You don’t.” Arthur looks to their joined hands but this time he makes no effort to get it back.

“Arthur.” Jabir says serious and staring at him. ” This probably would sound a little too much but I had a great time yesterday at the bar and in bed. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I know it was just a hook up but I want to see you again if you’re up for it.”

A million thoughts go through his head on that moment, he also had a very nice time yesterday and he really wouldn’t mind seeing him again but he doesn’t want to use him, as much as he already did to forget about his problems last night.

But he can actually be a good human being and try, just try.

Jabir’s face reveals nothing however the vulnerability on his voice reveals the rest. He is afraid Arthur is going to say no. “Yeah, I’d like that.” He says because Arthur is not stupid and he felt that connection as well. Jabir smiles widely and Arthur does too.

“Great, I thought I’d scare you.” Jabir takes his phone and hands it to Arthur.” Put your number in.” He returns it after putting it in.

“I’ll text you.”

 

Arthur worries sometimes about his sister, she seems to have a sixth sense about things sometimes, almost like he can see the future and knows what you did or what you’re going to do. It’s scary on its accuracy sometimes, well it’s either that or she can read him like a book. Which he is not denying can be something she can do too.

“You had sex last night, didn’t you?” She asks an eyebrow raised but tone confident.

“Yes, I did.” He answers placing the napkin on his lap. There it goes that step three about not telling her about his hook up.

“What about Merlin?” Her tone shows concern. Arthur sighs quietly, of course she’d ask that. Last thing she knew was that he had a crush on Merlin.

“Merlin doesn’t like me. We’ve talked about this and now I am moving on.” He is being firm and hard and he knows it but he is not going to complain like a sixteen-year-old about how his crush doesn’t like him back.

“But Ellie said that you guys went out in Paris that it was going well.” Arthur chuckles humourlessly, then takes a sip of the wine. Good harvest. French.

“I thought so too but him making out with someone else in front of me certainly made me think otherwise.”

“Oh no, he didn’t!” Morgana is outraged and while that is a common occurrence it’s nice that she is like that on his behalf when he can’t himself. He really doesn’t have the energy anymore. He takes another sip, longer this time.

“Morgs, it’s okay. I knew that already. Did I hold some type of hope in Paris? Yes. Am I over it now? I’m trying. I have a date of Friday.” He smiles a little at the thought. Morgana is not as surprised as she should be which again begs the question of whether she can predict the future or not. Or is it knowing the past? “Why are you not surprised?” He asks. Morgana laughs.

“Because I know you, brother. And I’m sure you concocted some type of plan to move on from Merlin and one of those steps was shag someone else which I see wasn’t hard.” Ellie chooses that moment to go through the door like a whirlwind. Her hair looks dishevelled, her clothes are a bit wrinkled but the wide and sincere smile makes you forget about it. She gives a kiss to Morgana who smiles and then to him.

“Sorry I’m late.” She excuses herself putting her bag on the arm of the chair.

“It’s okay.” Arthur says with a small smile. He thought that since both of them wanted to see him better to see them together.

“We ordered for you.” Adds Morgana patting Elena’s hand.

“Perfect, ‘cause I’m starving.” Says Elena putting her hair on a bun. She looks as lovely as before.

“What did I miss?”

“Our dear Artie, had sex last night and before you ask, not with Merlin. He also has a date planned for Friday.” Elena turns to him wide eyed and his mouth agape. “

But! What about the Eiffel Tower? And the almost kiss? What happened?” By the time she was done with her outrage, the waiter came by with the food which thankfully causes a momentary distraction.

“An almost kiss? Artie, you didn’t tell me that…” Adds his sister who can’t be distracted.

“It was nothing…” He is been repeating that like a mantra ever since it happened.

**4 days ago**

With the soft music playing on the background, Arthur leans closer to Merlin, a last look to the full pink lips before tasting them. It’s in that millisecond before their mouths finally meet that a loud ring coming from Merlin interrupts them.

Merlin pulls away and acting like nothing happened answer the phone.

“Pierre?” Merlin asks confused. Arthur wants to pull his hair out or maybe pull Pierre’s hair. Definitely, Pierre’s hair.

Merlin stands up and covers the phone with his hand. “I have to go.”

At least despite his own disappointment, he can tell by Merlin’s tone that he is affected somewhat by this.

“There is a problem with Isolde and the cake. I’m really sorry, I wish I could stay.” Merlin adds his lips pressing together on a fine line. Well, that I perfectly acceptable excuse, not that he cares much about it, he just wants Merlin to stay. “Don’t worry. With the wedding and all it must be something serious. Also, I don’t want anything happing to that cake.” He says trying to downplay his feelings. Arthur even attempts a smile, attempt being the key word on this. Merlin seems to buy it though.

He leaves quickly like he never was here on the first place and now the apartment feels empty.

Arthur finds himself in an emotional crossroad where he doesn’t know if he should  groan or just laugh. In the end he just laughs at the absurdity of the situation.

You can try again tomorrow is what his brain supplies.

Finally realising that the video is stopped, he brings the rest of the snacks to his lap and just hits play again. Lucas and Eliott are kissing and don’t seem to stop.

Great now the world is laughing at him. There is such a softness on the scene, the boys laughing, kissing, whispering secrets.

Oh! How much he wanted that, to have that with someone.

Most of his relationships have been either only sexual or he just wasn’t really in it. With Vivian has been like that, she was always the one asking to meet up, to make plans together, she was the one that included herself on his life, he honestly wouldn’t have care if she was never in it.

Yeah, he was hurt when they broke up but because of the reason they did, being cheated on is never nice and he doesn't like to feel lonely.

The thing with Merlin is that he wants to try, Arthur wants him on his life, hell he is already a part of it, he clicks, he just fits with him, with his life with his friend, most of them are his too. He knows that they can have something good and real or maybe, maybe he is just getting ahead of himself, and all those pretty dreams of his are just that pretty.

Without even finishing the clip, he closes the app and grabs his phone to call his cousin. After two rings, Elena’s voice finally appears. “Artie?”

There is a lot of loud voices in the environment, so he must have caught her at a restaurant or at one of his uncle’s galas.

“Can you talk?” He asks. He wants to get whatever this is out of his chest and his cousin has already offered her ear.

“Wait, I’m going to someplace quiet. I’m just at one of dad’s galas so you know any distraction is welcome. It’s everything okay?” She questions concerned.

“I don’ know.” He confesses sighing.

“What happened? I’m guessing is something Merlin related?”

“We almost kissed or well I almost kissed him just a few moments ago.” Elena’s squeal is so shrill it makes him take his phone away from his ear. He doesn’t want to go deaf.

“What! That’s great Artie. Tell me everything.” And it’s for this that he called her, what he sees as a failure, his cousin sees as an accomplishment. No wonder she is so good as a kindergarten teacher. She really is one of the most positive people he has ever meet.

Then because she always gets it out of him anyway, he tells her everything that happened from the last time they talked. Of course, his cousin listened to all of it, all the thoughts that Arthur had on his head that he could finally let out.

“Artie, I think Merlin likes you too.” Her usually cheery tone was serious this time.

“I don’t know.,” “It might seem like it, at least with what you’re telling me. It sounds like today you had a date with Merlin, he dressed up, you guys went somewhere romantic and it doesn’t get more romantic than the tour Eiffel, you ate together, you talked about important things, you held hands, you took a walk, you wanted to prolong the ‘not’ date, you watched something together. What do you think it looks like? To me I has all the signs of a date. I can ask Morgs if you want and she’ll tell you the same thing. You almost kissed! You’re not making it up.” Arthur groans loudly. Elena chuckles on the other side of the line.

“Why aren’t you happy?”

“I guess I just can’t believe it... It doesn’t feel real.” He exhales.

“I get it, I truly do but you have to let yourself be happy or maybe just believe that you can be.”

“Stop knowing me.” Arthur exclaims, Elena has just said what he had been thinking deep inside of him. He wants to be happy of course, sometime he just doesn’t know how.

“You’re seeing him again soon. Why don’t you try again or just ask him. I know you said that you wouldn’t yet but his time I think is the best course of action. You’re overthinking it and that’s never good.”

“I will. I‘ll try again.” He says more convinced, he will, he doesn’t know here the sudden courage comes from, perhaps from the same place it came when he almost kiss Merlin.

**Present day**

 “Arthur? What happened at the wedding? What did you see exactly? Maybe the other person threw themselves at Merlin and the kiss you saw it’s just a misunderstanding.” Elena says trying to change his mind, he though so too, he has been thinking that for two days and he doesn’t want to think about it anymore. He shakes his head and takes another sip of the wine.

“Why are you so opposed to that happening, Artie? It can happen.” Adds his sister. His cousin nods enthusiastically.

“Life is not a romcom, Morgs, yes that can happen but on films not in real life and if the kiss was unwanted Merlin would have pushed the man away, he didn’t so I rest my case.” He replies, he doesn’t want to think about it. Elena’s usual smile is gone and he can see the sadness on her eyes. She was almost as excited as he was about Merlin and himself.

“What if I ask Gwen? Huh? Maybe she can do a little research and then you’ll know what happened without talking to Merlin.” Arthur knows that Morgana is trying to make everything better like she usually does, this time won’t work though.

“Don’t. Please, don’t. Just I don’t want to know, I want to move on, I have a date on Friday with someone I know likes me and who actually is really great, so please no more Merlin talk, he doesn’t like me, I am moving on, next. “He says tired, he is mentally exhausted of thinking about the what ifs of that whole situation, he is past it. Arthur allowed it to hurt for longer than he should.

“Fine. We won’t talk about it anymore. “ Morgana says sharing a look with Elena, who nods.

He has no hopes of that actually happening but at least for now, he has their word. They spend the rest of lunch catching up and again he forgets for a while.

As soon as he is home, he throws himself on the bed, today was a long day. He wants to take a nap or maybe he should unpack his suitcase, he didn’t the previous day too focused on the steps on his plan.

Arthur needs to be productive; he should reply to all the emails he probably has and catch up on paperwork.

Yeah, that’s what he is going to do. Obviously because the universe hates him when he opens his suitcase one of the first things, he finds is the comicbook, he wanted to give Merlin. The one he was supposed to give him the day. He hides it where he won’t see it.

However, because he has masochist side, he decides to do the paperwork tomorrow and plays that French show again, less bitter than the last time he tried Arthur watches it all. When the music indicating the end of the last clip, Arthur takes a deep breath he now gets why Merlin likes it, the romantic. Resting his head on the couch, he takes his phone to check if he has any messages, he has one from Merlin and one from Jabir.

His heart stopping as he sees his Merlin's name.

He reads Jabir’s first.

  _-Hey Arthur! I was thinking that we never actually made any plans for our date. Have you ever had Peruvian food? There’s this cool restaurant Floral near Covent Garden. How do you feel about meeting tomorrow on Covent Garden station around 7:30?-_

Arthur has never had Peruvian food but is supposed to be one of the best on the world and the date is basically planned for him.

The other message he takes a while to read.

_-Dollophead, I’m coming back in two days so I was wondering if you wanted to meet up and go to the cinema and go watch Captain Marvel?-_

Arthur pinches the bridge of his nose. He didn’t notice anything then. All the things that went through his head, the looks, the almost kiss it meant nothing to him, not when he can act so natural after it. He doesn’t want to be hurt, Merlin never said anything about having feelings for him, what he actually said is that they are friends and he might have been an actual dollophead for all the moments that were nothing.

If only he could go back to the day of the wedding. 

**The day of the wedding**

Arthur woke up happier than usual. He was ready, he was going to do it. He was going to try again, to create a moment and fucking say something to Merlin.

The wedding was on the afternoon so he still had time to go about his day, nervous energy and all. He went for a run, trying to get rid of  it and it helped a little, he had breakfast at Prêt a Manger, lunch at one of his favourite restaurants, some of his colleges even commented on his good humour.

Arthur even got home early.

Thinking about what to wear in front of the mirror, he felt some of his doubts come back but he made them disappear with a positive though, today Elena was on his brain. He decided on his black suit combined with a white shirt, the first three buttons open, he had a good hair day, like usual so he let it be.

Arthur was ready. Isolde and Tristan were having a small ceremony at the local mairie and they were having the reception at Isolde’s uncle house, according to Merlin it was more like a huge mansion.

That was where he was going present in hand, he bought it the day after he was invited at Galeries Lafayette, he couldn’t be wrong with expensive kitchen supplies, he reckoned that being both of them on the food business it would come in handy.

As soon as he arrived at the address they gave him, he couldn’t agree more with Merlin, the place was huge and it was just on the outskirt of Paris. He paid the taxi driver and close the door. It actually looked like a castle with its towers, the stone walls and the big wooden doors, it seemed like a group of knights would enter at any moment. Instead of people in armour, people were in suits and dresses.

He could see Merlin from afar, that messy hair really was that recognizable or maybe it was just like that for him. He looked exceptionally good even with the messy hair that was weirdly working for him. The suit was a shade short of navy blue, he was wearing a black shirt with white polka dots.

“Hey!” Merlin says coming to hug him and pats his shoulder. Arthur forces his body to relax if Merlin was acting normal, he should too.

“Did you find it okay?” He asks smiling and relaxed.

“Yes, you look good Merlin.” Arthur adds after clearing his throat and looking into his eyes.

“Was that a compliment, Arthur? I didn’t know you could say those.” his friend or whatever they are now replied teasing him and that let him know that they were okay.

“You keep talking and I'm going to take it back.”

“You wouldn’t, you think I look gooood...” Merlin wiggles his eyebrows.

“I take it back.”

“I told you already you can’t my ears already heard it.” Arthur rolls his eyes dramatically. Merlin elbows him. “Come on, Haru is already asking for you, I don’t know how you charmed her, really.” Merlin says a hand on Arthur’s low back guiding him inside.

He is pretending really hard the gesture is not affecting him, Merlin is that tactile. And he is not fifteen years old for fuck’s sake.

“People usually like me, Merlin. I know that doesn’t happen with you but I figured you can understand it. “Merlin raises an eyebrow and Arthur has a quick flash of his sister.

“You’re so funny, Artie.” He decided to be magnanimous and let the Artie slide.

A couple of figures are approaching. One of them in a lovely pink flowery dress, Haru, the other person, Pierre is in a black suit similar to his own.

“Arthur!” Haru waves at him with a smile on her face. As soon as she is close enough, Arthur gives her a kiss on the cheek. “You look beautiful, Haru.” and she does, she looks like a fairy princess.

“You flatterer!” Haru hits him playfully on his arm with some pink on her cheeks. Arthur just grins. The guiding hand abandons him and Arthur misses it.

“Arthur! “Pierre yells going for a hug that Arthur gives back a little awkwardly.

“How are you, Pierre?” He asks, proving that Eton education and Uther Pendragon as a father really help you to pretend to be a normal person despite the circumstances.

“Well, Merlin had you all for himself these days and we haven’t seen you, which very bad Merlin, if you introduce us to him, you can’t just keep him to yourself, you know?. “ Merlin shakes his head.

Merlin rolls his eyes.

" T'es pas drôle , Pierre." ( You're not funny, Pierre.) Merlin says, then he rests his arm on Arthur shoulders. "Let's go sit down is about to start."

Arthur doesn't mind Merlin's touch at all. 

Haru and Pierre soon join them.

He leaves the bag with the gift on its table.

Arthur feels as confortable today as he felt the other day with Merlin's friends and Merlin beside him. 

A little smile goes to his lips. His heart feels content. 

"Merl-" He turns to said to find his friend's face just a couple of inches next to his. His eyes go to his distracting lips, he wets his own in response

"Arthur." Those said lips and his name sounds to good in them.

"Yeah." Arthur replies after a second too long. 

"They're asking what do you want to drink. "Merlin explains pointing at the waiting waiter.

Arthur should feel embarrased but right now, he just doesn't.

 It's a couple of hours later when everyone is in different states of intoxication and he is the most sober, although not by much that he decides to look for Merlin and using this stupid drunk courage to finally do something about it.

He asks everyone about his whereabouts and finally Adjavella tells him that she saw him going to the back garden a couple of minutes ago. 

Arthur takes deep breaths but he is not scared. He feels relieved almost, he is going to finally tell Merlin about this mess of feelings that he has for him , about the way he makes him happy and Arthur has the very small hope that Merlin feels the same.

The moonlight is creating beautiful shadows on his face , making him look almost eerily magical. He has his eyes closed probably feeling the crisp wind, Arthur can't stop staring to his heart content.

Someone else is clearing their throat. He finds a man, Isolde's cousin he thinks he is approaching Merlin. Merlin still has his eyes close.

"I've been wating for you." Merlin says getting the other man closer and then Isolde's cousin just closes the space between their bodies and kisses Merlin. Arthur can't keep watching and runs, he finds Merlin's friends and says goodbye quickly. 

He calls for an Uber, he needs to get out of that place, as soon as posible. He is hurting and he doesn't want anyone to see.

He tries to not think about it even if that image is all his brain is able to concocting right now.  

**Present day**

Arthur takes his phone from where he discarded it earlier and answers Merlin first.

_-Sure, let's go.-_

What he needs right now is clarity and Merlin  acting like normal is what is going to help him to take those silly ideas about them together out of his head, he just knows that if he ignores him  it won't work , he will just think more about him but if he sees him and everything stay the same, maybe this stupid pining thing that he is doing will go way because Arthur Pendragon is not pining. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know... you guys hate me.  
> Thankfully yes, I will continue the series. That would be the last work though. Right now is a work in progress so I hope I will upload a chapter soon. Thank you all for the comments and the kudos. I really appreciate it. ☺️☺️☺️

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading ! ^^  
> Hope you liked it,  
> If you want to talk about the queerbaiting in Merlin. I'm samgreeenstorm in Tumblr.


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